An orange clown in the tv set

Kali, life is strange
I never learned your last name
this I regret

just yesterday I died laughing at an orange clown on tv
with his yellow toupee dangling in the wind like a sad joke
I climbed up on my hollow tin rooftop
And let out a great howl
And wondered what it means to be “natural”
And recited an epitaph from my brother’s funeral
the neighbors hate it when I devolve into these fits

in the midst
I thought of you
a grisly amusement
I imagined your voice
And its sad delicate strain
it’s fading already
And then I imagined death
and how it absorbs everything I love like an ephemeral sponge
yet another grisly amusement
And I keep trying to forget death and you as if neither ever existed

I began crafting questions without answers
like “where will I find marijuana in the coming apocalypse”
And “will god think me too strange to be her friend when we meet”
And “what songs play in Kali’s head when she feels alone”

I smoked some grass and got to thinking
I thought of every word I would say to you if I could just avoid the anguish of speaking
I thought of your smile and how little I know about anything
I thought of your eyes
And I began to wilt,
drenched in frustration and the concomitant guilt
I thought of something a juggler had told me once
that “suffering is the molting of the ego”
I laughed and pictured my body without skin

I tried to imagine your world
dancing, always dancing
And floating and spinning and leaping with the bemusement of a wildfire
disillusioned at the riddle these speedsters have made for you searching, always searching
And dizzied and reeling in confusion at the speedsters and their certainty
racing, always racing
in a constant whirl of sound and emotion
only doing your best to keep up the feverish pace of the speedsters
these speedsters are always looking for more and less,
And new and old and up and down and in and out and left and right and above all: speed, speed, speed!
Kali
all I was looking for
was your eternal slowdown
And absolution in the blue of your eyes

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5ctnam/we_roommates_dont_really_talk/da1yvw9/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5d5hkk/tito/da1ysei/