This was magnificent feedback, I agree with almost all your points. Thank you so much! :)

I am new to this subreddit and rather new to writing poetry in general but I thought this poem was too good not to have any comments. So I figured I would give it my best shot. 

I think the imagery in your poem is very well executed. When suicide is the subject, the image of a man standing on a ledge can quickly be conjured and it was what came to my mind before I even opened the poem. I quite like how you create the image of the breeze flowing past the I in the night in the first stanza. 

> the faint caress 

> of windy fingers

I thought the break here was a bit odd and it kind of threw me off on my first reading of the poem. I feel as tough the caress and the fingers are undeniably linked and would therefore be better suited to appear on the same line, but this might just be my own inexperience. 

In the second stanza we find the weather changing to reflect a stormy nature. Which I would say is reflective of the I's dark mood/thoughts. In the first line you again make reference to

The sky having empathy is good. I just couldn't help but think of a person trying to wink, as to send some kind of subtle "knowing" signal, but they're foolishly blinking instead :p

Thanks for the critique, I do tend to be a bit superfluous in my imagery. As far as the "blinks knowingly," I was trying to make the sky seem like it had empathy. It's somewhat paradoxical as well, since the sky would be the very thing that could kill the narrator.

Thanks again, I'm glad you liked it

I think the first stanza could use some trimming:

I step ~~outside~~ into the night, (that's implied)  
feeling the ~~faint~~ caress (a caress is faint)  
of windy fingers (really like this)  
~~tender~~ against my cheek (a caress is tender)  
like a spectral lost lover. (this is fine)

> I step into the night,  
> feeling the caress  
> of windy fingers  
> against my cheek  
> like a those of lover's ghost.

Even with the things I pointed out above, the first stanza is dense with imagery and feeling, but you lose that as the poem goes along.

"The wind picks up, / and it begins to rain." Compared to what we just read, these lines are boring. I think starting with "The sky blinks" is better, but lose "...with lightning knowingly." Saying 'with lightning' spells things out too much, and 'to blink knowingly' doesn't make much sense - maybe 'wink' instead? - but then I would keep "with lightning."

I really like 'pavement trapeze.'

Beginning of stanza 3 is good, however "but the sky ke

Stanza 3 is just beautiful.  Holy hell.  Great work man.

I really like this one. I find it hauntingly beautiful. I especially like the lines "windy fingers" and "spectral lost lover", as well as the last couple lines of the second stanza. The last two stanzas are also very well put together and  thought provoking. Good job

I'm glad you liked it and could relate to it. Thank you for commenting, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I know I'm a stranger but I'm a good listener!

I started out writing a constructive critique of your poem, which I liked overall, but thought could be strengthened an a couple ways.  But as I kept reading it, and re-reading it, I realized I was wrong.  It's essentially perfect as it is.

This is not flattery, it's just one person's opinion.  The fact that I've experienced suicide in various forms in my life (including ideation of my own) should not factor into the objective, aesthetic evaluation of your poem. And yet I find it does.  How could it not? I guess.

Having been through it, and through it, this poem gets it. I guess that's all I can say.

Except, thank you.

I step outside into the night,

feeling the faint caress

of windy fingers

tender against my cheek

like a spectral lost lover.

&amp;nbsp;

The wind picks up,

and it begins to rain.

The sky blinks with lightning knowingly

as I walk a pavement trapeze,

tempting Death to turn its gaze on me.

&amp;nbsp;

I thought it would be

less painful to die

if I couldn't see the world,

but the sky keeps showing it to me,

as if urging me to change my mind.

&amp;nbsp;

But it would be so much easier, wouldn't it?

And it would happen quickly, wouldn't it?

And all the pain would go away, wouldn't it?

&amp;nbsp;

Wouldn't it?


[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5dotcr/the_art_of_rhythm/da6fl0c/) [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5d9umc/parenting_one_oh_one/da2udz8/)

*If you're looking for a good sad song, here's a suggestion:* ["Motion Picture Soundtrack" by Radiohead](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ju8xO_Zvfo)

Untitled (about suicide)