A Love like the Snow

fuckkkkkkk yessssss

Another great poem! Here is some quick feedback: I think you tend to overuse alliteration in some of your poems (like "tangled toes" in a recent one). Example from this poem: fleeting flaked meteors, flash by until they rest, on sheets of pavement, and puddle pillows. The alliteration is too dense. If you gave the words some space to breathe, replaced some of them, or cut some of them out, your poem would flow better. Of course, this is just my opinion. I'm sure your girlfriend will love it either way.

I like your use of imagery as the poem winds down into the second to last stanza, but most of it has to do with snowy imagery. That is the setting, and I appreciate that, but it could be a good opportunity to expand the scope to give us even more concrete imagery into the "you" of the poem is. It seems to be a lover a long distance away, but perhaps you could take those "I see you in _____" lines and come up with a few other things that give us more intimate details into the subject of the poem. I like this though! Cheers!

this is truly a very good piece. the title seems very creative with many meanings. the beginning of the poem is quite subtle, until the impacting 6th moral stanza that greatly hits the reader almost quite suddenly and directly. the 4 following stanzas show good organization and go very deep. your messages are quite clear, in this piece; and your delivery of the messages were handled quite well.

It's hard to find something to improve, especially because you seem like a very good poet. one thing that I would've probably done was not use the word "weightless" twice. but that's only because when I re-read my own poems, I find some repeated words quite weakly used and I know I could've used a more unique and efficient word. Though repeating words can be a very good and helpful technique in poetry!

nonetheless, the poem is very very well written. I like the short lines that were comfortable to read, as well as the short stanzas.