r/NHLHUT•9 yr. ago

(WPR #7) Lets Watch All Of Ken Daneyko’s Greatest Highlight…Don’t You Mean Highlights? No, Just The One. (Ken Daneyko Review)

Discussion

Check out Ken Daneyko below!

https://hutdb.net/17/view/11414

Tested on the 1st Pair/1st PK

Murphy/Daneyko (1st Pairing)

Murphy/Daneyko (1st PK)

Skating 5/10: What’s the opposite of a rocket ship? A submarine? Submarines go under water. What’s underwater? Atlantis, Atlantis is underwater. ‘Member Disney’s Atlantis with Michael J. Fox? ‘Member the French Mole Guy with the super slow drilling machine? Yeah, I ‘member! That super slow drilling machine is the opposite of a rocket ship!...Ken Daneyko is like the super slow drilling machine from Disney’s Atlantis! Now that you’ve seen a small glimpse into the horrors of how my mind works, I can give you a glimpse into the horrors of Daneyko’s skating. You ever get stuck behind that person on a two lane highway, the one who’s going just fast enough to match the speed of the 18 wheeler in the next lane, so you’re stuck behind them a 5:30 a.m. on your work commute planning the genocide of that person’s entire family and extended family, then you finally manage to pass said person and 9 out of 10 times you realize they’ll be dead in about 48 hours anyway, so it’s all gravy baby. That person, in the 2006 white Dodge Grand Caravan, is the real world equivalent of Daneyko’s skating. Acceleration (86) and Speed (86) means that once you press up on that left stick, he’s going nowhere, slow. In the grand scheme his skating is average. For a 94 overall hero card though, I’d expect him to at least get out of bed before noon, but that’s just not how good ole Ken rolls. He moves precisely when he means to, and not a minute sooner. Agility (90) means he can actually do it quite smoothly, but being able to move around the ice efficiently means nothing if you’re always behind the play. He’s a defender you say, he’s not needed for a breakout you say, well jokes on you, enjoy waiting fifteen fucking minutes to pass back to your point after the aforementioned breakout, while Kenny Joggins here huffs and puffs his way up ice. And whatever you do, do not give up a breakaway on Daneyko’s side of the ice, unless you want to see the best impression of an asthmatic rhino you’ll ever see. I picked the rhino specifically because, FUN FACT TIME, if a rhino gets too much adrenaline, it’ll keel over and die, which is how Ken “The Rhino” Daneyko got his nickname. Since Ken moves about as fast as a hibernating bear, his Endurance (94) is great; he had many a long shift on the PK where he actually lasted the entire shift. (Side Bar: can we get this fixed EA? Please? I’m so tired of getting off the coast to coast Dump Pass only to find out that the defensemen who dumped the puck are still on the ice when my opponent reenters the zone 15 seconds later.) Balance (95) is a great stat, doesn’t matter though because if you’re in a situation where Daneyko is your puck carrier, you already fucked up.

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Shooting 7/10: As if this card couldn’t get any more zany, the highlight of Daneyko’s shooting is his Wrist Shot, can someone please explain that to me? Did I miss something? The guy with the Bomber Synergy has a shit clapper and an “I just missed Cum Laude on my degree with a 2.94 GPA, guess I should’ve studied instead of playing HUT” level Wrist Shot. WSP (92) WSA (91) gives Daneyko a pretty decent wrister. I think his inability to move above 2.94 MPH makes him an accurate shooter, since he doesn’t need to count speed into his calculations, 0 x 0 = 0 after all. If you can walk him across the blue line and get off a Wrist Shot you’ll find yourself with a nice rebound or the occasional goal more often than not. SSP (94) lets Daneyko rip ‘em like you did when you were 12 and wanted to look cool for the girl across the street, so you had your best bud, the truest of brosephs, pitch you tennis balls while you slaughtered them with a metal baseball bat, playing it off like you’re Sammy Sosa. I had another joke for that line, but it was way too dark and probably would’ve missed the mark. Just like Daneyko’s SSA (88), watching him try to hit the net made me feel good about my golf game, anybody know how to fix a slight right shank? In all seriousness his accuracy isn’t that bad, like 5/7 shots would be on target, and the other 2 would enter a Stargate and end up in Space Egypt, because that makes sense. Don’t expect a lot of goals from Daneyko, and he won’t disappoint.

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Hands 6.5/10: Remember what I said about Ken not being a real bright spot in the whole puck mover department? Yeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh it’s not getting any better here ladies and gents. Puck Control (92) and Hand-Eye (91) are the highlights here, but again, it really doesn’t matter if you can’t get away from anyone. His Deking (89) and Passing (88) make it seem like he drinks or something…..huh. I’msosorryDevilsfansIcouldn’tresist. Pushing the knee slappers aside I was actually pleasantly surprised by his hands. Since he skates in rewind his deking is actually pretty damn good. It’s clunky and slow but it gets the job done, I’m sure you’ve all heard that before…BAM…got you suckers….I’ll see myself out. I had no issues making dekes with Kenneth, like I said before, it’s clunky and slow but it gets the job done, I’m sure you’ve all heard that before…BAM…got you suckers AGAIN. No but really just give him time and a little space, make sure no one is watching, and Daneyko will deke just fine. Passing (88) is pretty okay as well. Ken’s breakout passes from his own zone were really smooth and crisp, as well as his passing point to point, just don’t try to do much passing through traffic or you’ll find yourself giving up the puck. I’m going to put Daneyko’s Offensive Awareness (85) in this category because it’s where I noticed it the most. Kenny’s offensive positioning is fucking abhorrent, like kill it with fire bad. It says 85 on the card but I’m pretty someone at AE is dyslexic and it’s actually a 58. The amount of times he was just wandering around the ice made me wonder if he should’ve gotten hooked on Adderall instead of booze. Guy disappears so fast I didn’t even have time to make a joke or pun for him. Pass back to the point? Ken’s talking to his old buddy Ray Ferraro over on the other side of the ice, and I’ve had the commentary off since halfway through NHL 15’s cycle, so fuck me, right? Need Ken to take a One-Timer? Nah he’ll just face the other way, the other team’ll never see it coming.

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Checking: 8/10: You ever had a BB gun as a kid? You ever crank that BB gun for a half an hour until you can’t feel your arm anymore? If you get to enough pumps on the pressure lever, the legend says that Ken Daneyko will pop out and kill whatever glass bottle you’re aiming at for you. That pretty much sums up Collider Ken’s hitting. Body Checking (97), Strength (96), and Aggressiveness (95) pretty much makes Ken the equivalent of LL Cool J in the Rollerball remake. If you can line someone up for a hit, they’ll wake up with their dick hanging out after the world has ended like the beginning of 28 Days Later, in other words, it wont be pretty when you show up as Scarecrow in Batman Begins three years later and I go “wait a minute…didn’t I see that dudes thoroughly unimpressive dick in 28 Days Later? How can one be afraid of a guy packing the human equivalent of a snausage?” If we’re gonna spend the rest of this review talking about dicks though we should probably talk about how dicked I got by Daneyko’s Discipline (78) and Poise (85). Throwing massive hits is great and all, but it kind of takes the fun out of the whole thing when every 3rd hit lands his ass in the sin bin. It was actually a huge issue for me, and keeps his rating below a 9.

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Defense 9/10: This is what you get Daneyko for; the guy is the sterling example of a stay at home defensemen. You’d better come correct if you’re looking to get past the Great Wall of Ken and deep into your opponent's zone. Defensive Awareness (97) has Ken in the perfect position to shut shit down on a moment's notice, he was the helicopter mom of my PK, so no Darlene, that boy isn’t coming over, you’re only 23. Speed hurts his rating a little, but as long as you keep yourself between the player with the puck and the net, Kenny Boys got you covered; he absolutely devours time and space in his own zone. Shot Blocking (96) give Ken the ability to get into shooting lanes and gobble up shots like their goddamn Lunchables, and his Durability (90) keeps him from getting hurt, 10 games, too many blocked shots to count, and no injuries. You want to try and get fancy around Ken huh? Wrong move boyo, Stick Checking (96) is just as good as shot blocking. Ken can poke it away from an oncoming forward without dropping a bead of sweat. The only, and I truly mean only, thing that keeps this from being a perfect 10/10 is how many penalties he takes. His low discipline took him out of my PK where he truly needed to be.

Synergies: Bomber X1/ Heavy Hitter X3

Long Range Bombers X1: Team synergy that gives you a +3 to SSP, SSA, and Offensive Awareness. It requires 8 points to activate, so Daneyko gets you 1/8 of the way there. The overall synergy is amazing, and my opinion one of the best synergies in the game, one you can truly feel. The downside is Ken only gets you one point, which is pretty weak for a hero card.

Heavy Hitter X3: Player Synergy that gives a +4 bonus to Body Checking, Strength, and Defensive Awareness. Like Bure’s Speedster Synergy, it’s pretty much wasted on Daneyko since those are his greatest attributes. On the bright side Heavy Hitter requires 4 points to activate, so Ken gets you ¾ of the way there.

Overview: Ken Daneyko is a card that you buy because you have fuck about money and need someone on your third pairing who can just lock the game down in your defensive zone, nothing more, nothing less. He is serviceable offensively but still leaves a lot to be desired, which is something you don’t want out of a 94 overall card. There are currently no Ken Daneyko cards on the market, and that should tell you something. Do yourself a favor, go out and get either Rob Blake (LPA 264K) or Doug Wilson (LPA 250K) if you really want a Hero defensemen. If you’re looking to complete the Bomber Synergy you can do better with Al Macinnis (LPA 200K), who gives you +3 to Bombers. The only real reason to get Ken Daneyko is so you can nerd out and scream “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” at your TV, while in your bathrobe, pretending your Gondorf, Gandalf’s lesser known second cousin. The biggest point I can make is that there are a lot of defensemen that can do what Daneyko does. I could take days writing the Comparable Players section for this card.

10 GP

1 Goal

2 Assists

3 Points

+13 +/-

(All games were played against a similarly skilled friend who is helping me test out cards.)

Introducing Lowest Price Available (LPA) where I scour the marketplace for the lowest available cost (Buy Now) on a certain player for you, so you don’t have to. Unfortunately these prices will be based on when I searched (usually an hour or so before I release the review) and are XBONE dependent. I’d love to be able to work out a way to add in the PS4 Prices though. Patent Pending.

Comparable Players

On the Cheap

Johnny Boychuk (LPA 750): Defensive Awareness (89), Shot Blocking (90), Stick Checking (89), Body Checking (89), and Strength (90). Manchuk is a decent stay at home defensemen and his +1 Bomber Synergy puts him on equal footing in terms of Team Synergy. He has a one TOTW upgrade at 87 Overall (LPA 30K) that gives +2 to the Passing Playmaker Synergy. Only three are on the market.

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Brent Seabrook (LPA 2.2k): Defensive Awareness (90), Shot Blocking (90), Stick Checking (90), Body Checking (89), and Strength (90). Seabrook is a TWD who brings some more offensive upside to his play. He adds +1 to the Bomber Synergy as well. Currently has no upgraded card in the game, not the greatest year for Seabrook apparently?

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Marc-Edouard Vlasic (LPA 2.6k): Acceleration (88), Speed (88), Passing (88), Offensive Awareness (87), Defensive Awareness (90), Shot Blocking (91), and Stick Checking (91). Vlasic is a great option if you’re looking for a more mobile Defensive Defensemen. He’s great in his own zone, and at moving the puck around the ice. Vlasic has an upgraded WCOH hockey card that gives him +1 to the Tape to Tape and Defensively Responsible Synergies along with a +1 to Overall (LPA 70K).

Honorable Mentions: Zdeno Chara and Colton Parayko. Both have multiple upgrades. Go look them up yourselves.

Mid Range

Ryan Suter (LPA 19.5k): Acceleration (88), Speed (88), Passing (90), Puck Control (89), Offensive Awareness (88), Defensive Awareness (93), Shot Blocking (91), and Stick Checking (93). Suter felt slower to me than Vlasic but he’s still a great option in the defensive zone. His base card gives a +1 Tape To Tape Synergy boost. He has an 89 Overall TOTW (LPA 99k, only one on the market) that makes his Defensive Awareness (95), Stick Checking (95) and Shot Blocking (92). TOTW changes his Synergies to +1 Offensive Juggernaut and Trap. Three 89 Overall MOV versions are on the market (LPA 295.5k) that give him +1 to Passing Playmaker, Heavy Hitter, and One Timer.

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Shea Weber (LPA 19.4K): SSP (95), Passing (90), Puck Control (90), Offensive Awareness (89), (Defensive Awareness (91), Shot Blocking (94), Stick Checking (92), and Body Checking (92). Weber gives you an awesome Defensemen who is great in both zones, can lay the body, and rip a slap shot. His base Synergy is +1 to Bomber. He has two TOTW versions, an 89 Overall (LPA 95K, WCOH Edition) that gives +1 to the Defensively Responsible and Iron Shin Synergies. His second TOTW, at 90 Overall (LPA 175k, only two on the market), gives him SSA (88), SSP (97), WSA (93), Offensive Awareness (91), Defensive Awareness (95), Poise (91), Shot Blocking (98), Stick Checking (95), and Body Checking (95). Synergies are +1 to Heavy Hitter and Shot Blocking. Weber’s MOV edition (LPA 500K) gives him +1 to Defensively Responsible, One Timer, and Shot Blocking Synergies.

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P.K. Subban (LPA 45k): Acceleration (88), Speed (88), SSP (90), WSP (89), Passing (92), Puck Control (92), Offensive Awareness (93), Defensive Awareness (89), Shot Blocking (89), Stick Checking (88) and Body Checking (89). Subban is more of an offensive TWD with defensive abilities, basically the opposite of Daneyko. His base gets +1 to the Offensive Juggernaut Synergy. He has 5 MOV’s currently on the market (LPA 245k) at the same overall as his base, gives +1 to Heavy Hitter, Iron Shin, and Shot Blocking Synergies.

High Tier

Rob Blake (LPA 264K): Phenomenal in all categories, to the point where listing his highlights stats is literally just listing all of his stats. Gives +2 to Heavy Hitter and Shot Blocking Synergies, so no Bomber points, but still well worth the dough.

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Doug Wilson (LPA 250K): Another insanely well balanced Hero Defensemen, this time a lefty. All his stats are great but Hand-Eye (95), Passing (96), Defensive Awareness (95), Shot Blocking (95), Stick Checking (94), and Body Checking (92) make Wilson a responsible puck mover. He gives +2 to Iron Shins, and Trap Synergies, respectively.

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Nicklas Lidstrom (LPA 210K): Acceleration (90), Speed (88), SSA (92), SSP (92), Deking (90), Hand-Eye (94), Passing (95), Puck Control (96), Offensive Awareness (94), Defensive Awareness (95), Poise (95), Shot Blocking (96), and Stick Checking (92). We all know what Lidstrom can do; he’s been a HUT staple for years now. Gives +2 to Defensively Responsible and Heavy Hitters Synergies.

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Al Macinnis (LPA 195k): SSA (96), SSP (96), WSA (91), WSP (94), Offensive Awareness (95), Poise (95), Defensive Awareness (94), Blocking (93), and Stick Checking (95) makes Macinnis a super serviceable defensemen with a great shot and defense. +1 to Offensive Juggernaut sucks, but +3 to Bomber more than makes up for it. If you're looking to activate the Bomber Synergy this is the Hero to get.

Someone please tell me who they want a review of so I don’t have to pick. Next Review will be out Friday/Saturday by 10PM EST.

Edit: Just checked the post on Reddit's IOS app and the rest of my linked reviews past POTG Marchand aren't showing up there, sorry everybody on mobile

Edit 2: http://www.strawpoll.me/11848419 Link to voting for next weeks review.

Posted Dec 10, 2016, 4:42 PM UTC · edited

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