Source
r/Meditation•
TheRadroach

Meditation for post relationship pain

(Im sorry if this isn't the right place for this but I'll try anyway)

Hey guys, I recently started meditating about 3 months ago in and off after a suggestion from a friend when I experienced depression after a nasty breakup. It's 7 months since and I still miss her, and think about her a lot every day. I meditate for about 15 minutes a day, and during the meditation it helps and I feel calmer and distant from my feelings of missing her so much.

But when I finish, and I become more alert to things... it comes back again, I think about her, and I begin to miss her again. I usually do regular mindfulness meditation and practice gratitude in my sessions too. I guess the point of this post is two things, first I want to know if I'm doing the right thing and whether I should continue. Secondly, is there any types of meditation people could suggest that could help me move on and stop thinking about her?

Posted Mar 19, 2017, 12:21 PM UTC

910
random_guy00214•

I'm a beginner at meditation also. But when I went thru a break up I tried to remember all the good times I had shared with my girlfriend and accept they were gone. I would focus on her in my head and try to understand why she broke up with me. I realized that after all of it, it all ends up ok. I decided to forgive her for breaking my heart and I accepted it. And by forgive her I mean visualize her in your head doing whatever she did and forgive her for doing it. I've gone thru that many times and it helps a ton. Another thing that helped me was realizing my self worth is not found in a girl, but it is found within me.

I don't know if it had much to do with meditation but it helped me and it might help you too. I may be completely wrong about this I don't know.

6
some-random-user•

I suggest you take a look at the excellent Breakup Recovery Guide.

3
wittyusernamesonly•

What worked for me was mindfulness meditation with a focus on where it hurts physically. So try to find where you feel depressed in your body, for instance, and watch it mindfully and breath into it until it passes. Don't suppress or amplify the feelings. Pay attention to the fact that you are not those feelings (because you're watching them) and that they come and go and change all the time.

You'll likely have the feelings for a while, but this should help deal with them and lessen their duration

2
zarathustra3000•

You're going to miss her, you're going to hurt.

The sooner you let go of it, the sooner you'll feel better, and the sooner you can start taking care of yourself.

Relationships are overrated.

1
i_am_serious_jk•

Tara Brach's book Radical Acceptance is excellent and could be helpful for you.

1
reddituser913•

Can you give a personal account on how it's been helpful for you?

1
i_am_serious_jk•

Sure. She's a well respected meditation teacher. The book teaches you both the importance of being present with our whole emotional experience, and practices you can do to achieve this. I've read it a couple of times and tend to revisit it during difficult times of my life (e.g. Feeling directionless, relationship issues). It helps me feel better during these times because I'm more present with what's happening and fight less to "change" it - which makes everything less painful (ironically).

1
i_am_serious_jk•

I'm reading it again now, as I go through a separation with my wife of 8 years.

1
reddituser913•

Similar journey, but I've been meditating for a year, more regularly since October and now a painful situation is aiding and I'm worried about how I'll handle it too.

1
Jrose152•

Only you can allow your self to let go. There is no simple answer or else we would all apply it on day 1 post break up. Free your self and let go. Don't let your ex have this control over you.

1