Dinner for One
Laments smell of masochism
Sharpening one's tender neurons
And loosening one's tears
A barely lit kitchen offers
A feast of yet untouched dishes —
Eating with a spoon, not asking for a plate
Being crushed between the chopsticks
Of outer-world heroes
That smirk from bloody billboards
Devoid of appetite and will for more,
Walking blindly in a room,
Stepping on the delicacies' shatters
Friends followed by fish bones
And world replaced by cherry pips
Leave you with lemons
And lemons smell of masochism...
I am an aspiring writer who is far from poetry as one can possibly be. But I somehow found comfort in poems from r/OCPoetry, because you guys present a great community with great content. I couldn't help but post my first poem from my first poem journal. Looking forward to your comments, because it's practice that makes perfect.
Posted Apr 2, 2017, 3:17 PM UTC
53
I find the imagery here very cool, strange melding of reflections on life experiences and the sensorial experiences of specific foods and eating activities. It felt very vivid and dream-like, very cool! In particular I really liked how "Laments smell of masochism" became "and lemons smell of masochism", the play on words also acts as kind of a loop to give it another read, and another, and another… :p
One thing though, I got distracted—and thus thrown off from the trance—by the phrase "eating with a spoon, not asking for a plate". Maybe I'm being too literal or too thick, but how can you eat with a spoon but without a plate; where are you eating from? Is it…because you're eating straight from the pot or wherever the food is served and laid out on the table? I think there's a clear semantic chain in all images and stanzas that helps one build a very clear image in the mind's eye, except maybe for this one—unless I'm missing an idiomatic turn of phrase or just being too obtuse.
Thank you for your comment! Glad you enjoyed the piece.
The phrase you mention ("eating with a spoon, not asking for a plate") is probably the one that got me writing this poem. In the beginning there were no culinary metaphors, but I decided to elaborate on it. The poem is more about consumerism and underachieving. The character is ready to take whatever is given to him, even in small portions. Yeah, you may say that he eats from a pot, by the way. He takes something from the world on a whim, when others lay something on a "plate". This concept came up just because I wanted to add some depth and layers to the poem, and the pun laments/lemons only appeared in the end of the process.
Again, thank you for your feedback. Much appreciated.