Source
r/OCPoetry•
[deleted]

Quite a Pear

Feedback Received!

Some people like apples
And that's perfectly fair.
Me, I prefer gripping
The skin of a pear.

Bananas overpower
And are intimidating when out,
But pears always look like
They belong in my mouth.

Yes, grapes are nice too,
Please, don't get me wrong,
But they're so dainty and crisp;
Pears are savory and strong.

Melons have just always been
Too much to chew.
They're terrifically juicy, but
Pears are more my size of food.

Oranges are tangy
But their rinds sure aren't thin
On a pear I can leave
Imprints of my teeth on skin.

It's obvious really:
I think pears just can't be beat.
Now, if you'll please excuse me,
I need something to eat.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/63vlvk/comment/dfxhnwi

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/63qh1y/comment/dfxibkn

Posted Apr 7, 2017, 10:01 AM UTC · edited

56
Dreamslayersuzi•

I love this. Non-traditional subjects like what fruit you prefer are always a treat. Did you mean this to have a double meaning? I thought it was more than face value but that might just be me.

1
Woodsy113•

I always like playing with ambiguity when I can, so it's not just you.

1
EzioKenwayIV•

In Stanza #4, you could change the last line to "But for pears my stomach has room," which would maintain the abcb end rhyme pattern that all the other stanzas have. For me that stanza broke the rhythm that you had going as it is.

Nice light topic; there is understandably a lot of more emotional poetry on this thread so this is a good change of pace. Also, I never have been a fan of pears but it's been awhile and I might need to try one after reading this

1
Woodsy113•

Took your suggestion but not your line. What do you think? (Also changed the 5th stanza - orange- a bit). Thanks for the feedback.

1
Spusk•

But pears always look like
They belong in my mouth.

Made me laugh.

Edit: Space

1
JackRabBitBE•

In Stanza #4, it's a bit awkward for me during the first line to transition nicely to the second line because of the word "just" in "Melons have just always been". It seems nicer to read and flow when I read

Melons have always been
Too much to chew

I read poetry out loud to myself and it just seems to flow a bit better, but it might just be personal.
Anyway, great poem! I do adore the topic, and I like how it's playful and well-written. Gives me a Shel Silverstein/Dr. Seuss feel, which is pretty damn amazing!

1