Ketchup (On The Grey Universe)

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

As to your question, "Grey" is capitalized for a few reasons:

1. in order to differentiate it further from the small, red ketchup stain;
2. to give it that feeling of divine import and grandeur, the same reason why I capitalized "Sweatshirt" just before;
3. as an inside joke for my friends -- because after I [actually, really] said this, that sweatshirt became known henceforth as the "Grey Universe."

Whether it works on all those levels, meh, I don't know. That's why I'm here! :D

Finally, a real critique! Thank you, thank you! I'd like to defend this one a little (or a lot o') bit, as more of these choices are intentional than you may think.

the majority is a good cadence (but without meter) quasi-rhyme in a Silverstein/Seuss vibe, that could use a little cleanup and a bit more narrative expansion to be a good children's poem.

No meter! No meter! En garde, good sir! I throw my finest poetry-dueling glove at thee!

This poem has meter in spades -- it's mixed-meter! Each line begins with an iamb (a "headless" anapest), followed by three anapests. Perhaps the formatting threw you off?

The RED glob was FLOATing and TWISTing in AIR
It FELL from my SANDwich but I didn't CARE
I MADE not a MOVEment, I MADE not a SOUND
I WATCHED as that KETCHup went TUM-bl-ing DOWN
To SPLAT on my SWEATshirt my ARmor of GRIME
[...]

That's where you're getting your "Silverstein/Seussian" vibes from.

There is a section, however, where I choose to break my meter a little for intentional effect. Namely, this part:

That putrid-grey hoodie
I once wore
In dark times--

I want you stumble over this section. That's why I added the extra stressed syllable in the form of "once." These are the dark times. Everything before's meant to feel macabrely cute and light. But this, this was meant to be the first real indication that-- wait, something's not totally right in all this...

And because I'd messed with the previous meter so, I decided to continue that trend for the rest of the section; only difference being that I wanted to pick up the cadence into something jovial again. So I added back the head of the first anapest on the second line ("'Cuz").

And ALL the girls LOATHED it and ALL the guys, TOO
'Cuz it LOOKED like the FLOOR of a PACHyderm ZOO

After that, we're right back to the meter wherein we started.

And NOW it was RED-ly, a NICE, big ol' SPOT
AlTHOUGH it was BRIGHTer, that's NOT what I THOUGHT
As I was beNIGHted, so WEIRDly moROSE
I OFFer'd to SWEATshirt this STRANGE bit of PROSE:

All of this may not have worked as well as intended, but that's what I was going for anyway...

The last few lines (the 'strange bit of prose') seems another poem entirely, doesn't fit the previous and larger section, and while it can work as an inside joke, doesn't work as well in context. The final line isn't a complete non-sequitur, but I think it takes the poem in an entirely different direction than you may have intended.

Oh, I meant to take it there. The final prose section is meant to be a complete deconstruction of everything that came before. No more rhyme. No more meter. Just the somber offering to that filthy grey god which represents my depression during that period in my life.

The last line is the only full sentence in the entire piece, and I added it to give a sense of closure. I don't own that sweatshirt anymore. I'm no longer a depressed sad-sack. Although, ironically, I guess that line may read as one of the most somber in the entire poem...

Again, thank you so much for your critique! If you have any suggestions based on my explanations here, I'd love to have them!