I had a problem with rhyming , my teacher asked us to follow the rules of a Shakespearean  sonnet, I will see what I can do to make it natural

Thank you very much, I felt something somewhere was wrong, I will go back and make sure it flows properly, also I agree they are way to hard to pull off this one took me after procrastinating a lot 4 days.

Thanks again

Nice, a Shakespearean Sonnet! I always find these stupid-difficult to pull off well (that's why the Bard's the Bard, I guess), so I have to give props to any and all who attempt them. Sad subject matter in this one, too -- fitting, for Shakespeare.

Anyway, there are two "hardest parts" of writing a good sonnet: one artistic, the other structural. I'm sure others will help you with your imagery (the artistic side), so I'll concentrate on the not-so-fun part -- the mechanics. Specifically, your meter. Yay! (I'm sorry, but you'll thank us later.)

As you already seem to know, Shakespearean Sonnets are written in iambic pentameter: five repeating pairs of unstressed-stressed syllables. It looks like this:

> short **LONG** short **LONG** short **LONG** short **LONG** short **LONG**

Or, to quote the Bard himself:

> Shall **I** com**PARE** thee **TO** a **SUM**mer's **DAY**? 

A stressed syllable is the syllable in a word we accentuate. This can be difficult to discern, at times, but the 

It's a Shakespeare sonnet so I don't really have a choice, I have to follow the rules and thanks for the information I will try and make it flow better

I appreciate the rhyme scheme and the subject, but feel that the verbage could flow more naturally. 

Maybe go for shorter lines? Idk

This started out very promising, but I feel like it lacks something.  The punctuation could use some work to pack more of an emotional punch, and your vocabulary could be upgraded as well.
The rhyme "come" and "glum" in the third stanza feels a bit forced.
I do, however, love the rhyming of "contender" and "winter" in the first stanza.  Well done with that one.

Thank you for your advice, I will tweak it here and there to make it better. 

How difficult to write and do so well.  I do feel that some rhymes sound too forced,and do take away from the overall experience.  The storytelling is fun and no doubt you will make it better.  I've yet to attempt a sonnett, an am very impressed with yours
A couple of edits and critiques from those more knowing will get you there.  Enjoyable read.

Her hair flows through the darkness of the night  
The stars bow down for their one contender  
something was wrong her eyes glistened in light  
One blink, one tear as harsh as winter  


A voice called for her to come back inside  
She wanted to go instead she remained  
she felt helpless all she could do was hide  
she felt like the light of her life was drained  


The clock struck nine and he still hadn't come  
waiting for her love felt short but endless  
Then her prince charming came but she looked glum  
after seeing him she wasn’t friendless  


She ran to her terrace and made a jump  
reliving the good things she fell and thump

feedback: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6764l4/the_black_hole/dgo15vz/?st=j1vhracm&amp;sh=ad0957b3


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/675rn1/sunbathing/dgo1f8y/?st=j1vhy8ix&amp;sh=607ef03c



The fall