Thank you! I always have a little trouble with formatting on reddit. You have some very good points. Thank you for your opinion and i'll continue working on it!


This poem is really interesting. Due to the short nature of the lines, it reads really quickly. However, that comes with a caveat- every change in the number of syllables per line really resonates with the reader. I'd recommend trying to change it to only have a set amount of beats per line (I'd recommend 5). 
Also, the poem doesn't very obviously allude to the violinist, in my opinion. 
Finally, the capitalization is a bit wonky, but that might be the intended effect. 
All in all, I like it, keep up the good work!

As a new explorer of poetry, I cannot speak to the syllables, stanzas , or related rules of certain forms.  As a reader, I appreciate the simplicity and imagery...and if you can illicit an emotion from me by arranging words in a compelling order, and I can interpret, intentionally by the writer or not, a deeper meaning; i.e. an unlikely pairing can result in unlikely beauty, consider me impressed.  I wish I had wisdom to impart, but I would clap from the audience.  

This is simple and clear, which I like. Two criticisms:

1. The violinist is not clear - I'm assuming the violinist (singular) is the "you" in the poem, but you also lump the "pleasant violins" (plural) in with the guitarist's mind, so the image is kind of confused.

2. The lines read as disjointed to me, like they don't naturally flow together. This is partly because many of them are broken in the same place - before a conjunction or preposition, as in:  
>**Of** electric guitars  
>**And** off-key static  
>**With** pleasant violins  
>**And** Melodic Hums

It's fatiguing to read lines that all start with similar "function" words, it makes the poem feel repetitive, and it creates a lot of space between each line as we already naturally pause at these points in a sentence. Try breaking up your lines in different places and see what the effect is.

This poem has great potential.  I feel like you use the word "and" a bit much, though.  With a more elaborate vocabulary or possibly some imagery, this would be an amazing poem.  

My only critique involves that first line. You talk of unity throughout the rest of the poem, yet the first thing I read talks of the opposite. I think there is another word that you could have used that aligns with the rest of the poem's motif?

My mind, an exploding rift

Of electric guitars

And off-key static  

With pleasant violins

And Melodic Hums

You contrast me   

Let us blend together

And create A harmony

Never before heard  


Let us play in unison

As we shake the world

With our newfound composition 
 
[F1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/677l6w/ketchup_on_the_grey_universe/dgogy49/) [F2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/66zv5i/bawdybardballads_light/dgmp1la/)

The Guitarist and Violinist