Hey, thank you so much for the feedback! I agree about the word 'complexion.' I thought about just writing 'a shade about your own' but one of the topics of the piece is an interracial couple so I worried that wouldn't come across as easily. I see now that it might not need it. Thanks again!

I like the way you use your language. It conveys a rather poignant playfulness and also gives the piece a bit of a punch lite. There was also a bit of nostalgia that comes across because your /flow/ was pretty good. The only place where I stumbled a bit was /complexion because the rest of the words you're using were relatively shorter.

I think there could have been the potential for cliche but the way which you use your language kind of manages to escape this. I think you might even be able to get away with not using very minimal describing words. another place where I stopped reading was /accentuating. Other than those two everything seemed v tight.


The background makes it so much more incredible! Thank you for sharing, and I hope to read more of your poems!

As someone who just got out of long term interracial relationship this poem was very poignant for me. The spoken line was particularly striking as it is very close to something we used to say to each other. For me personally it gave the whole poem a kind of touching nostalgia.

I am relatively new to the medium so it's difficult for me to provide a nuanced review but I really did love the poem. Thank you for sharing and I'd love to see more of your work.

This is why I love this subreddit. I think your question is really intriguing. 

The background of this piece is that I used to spend a lot of time studying at 24 hour diners and coffee shops with someone I dated in college. We noticed that the way the coffee was mixed matched one person's skin tone and the preferred tea preparation matched the other. So we knew we had the drink just right when the coffee was like you and the tea was like me. On a more vain note, I always liked the pleasant contrast in skin tones when we would hold hands. 

So to answer your question, I don't think it is anymore. Thank you very much!

Looking at "coffee like you, but tea like me" really feels like the key to this poem. Without that line, I believe it lacks charm. With the line in place as is, I must say this poem is fantastic! The only real question I have is, do you think the one "spoken" line is enough? 

I love love love this! I thought it was beautiful and the message was just hidden enough to be unexpected until the end. Great job!! 

In a never closing diner,  
we blinked back sleep  
and flagged down waiters  
who deftly filled our cups.  

You watched as I stirred  
a splash of pure white cream,  
which lightens the deep brown  
to a shade above your own complexion.   

“Coffee like you, but tea like me,”  
as you reached your hand across.  

What pleasant a color  
to stain the tooth’s enamel  
or drip into a vessel  
to meet accepting lips.  

[Feedback 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/68k169/shadow/dgz4f9u/)
[Feedback 2]
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