Good Morning, Good Morning.
Good Morning, Good Morning.
Every morning I wake up.
Every morning I cling to my mattress until our parting is abrupt.
I stumble to the shower.
I struggle to move with my absence of power.
The shower curtain screeches open then close.
The shower water runs hot down my nose.
Filth rides the water off my body.
Filth of another kind sinks deep as my mirror gets foggy.
My time is done, so I end my personal summer rainstorm.
My time is done, now I cover the flaws of my form.
Covered in my disguise, I stare in the glass.
Covered in my costume, I tell him his heart he must bypass.
As I speak I don my mask.
As I speak, “Why do I do this thing?” He asks.
“Why cover how you feel?”
“Why not show yourself, and not kneel?”
“Because I must make the boys and girls smile!”
“But then you’re a clown, who leads a false lifestyle.”
“I am no clown,”
“I am only someone who hides his frown.”
https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/695wml/a_true_broken_heart/dh42zm6/
https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/695izk/sonnet_1925/dh4381e/
Posted May 4, 2017, 8:21 AM UTC
I found there to be an interesting sort of jovial bounce to the way this poem read, which obviously contrasted with the tone, but in a cool way I thought.
I think that the sort of cheery connotations of "Good Morning, Good Morning" set the feeling for that, and the brevity of the AABBCC... rhyme scheme kept it going.
Felt the syntax was a little clunky in spots like "his heart he must bypass", and felt like you just needed to find a way to fit the rhyme in. Perhaps it just reads a little old-school to me, but then again there's nothing wrong with that if it's what you're going for.