Good Morning, Good Morning.

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Good Morning, Good Morning.

Every morning I wake up.
Every morning I cling to my mattress until our parting is abrupt.
I stumble to the shower.
I struggle to move with my absence of power.
The shower curtain screeches open then close.
The shower water runs hot down my nose.
Filth rides the water off my body.
Filth of another kind sinks deep as my mirror gets foggy.
My time is done, so I end my personal summer rainstorm.
My time is done, now I cover the flaws of my form.
Covered in my disguise, I stare in the glass.
Covered in my costume, I tell him his heart he must bypass.
As I speak I don my mask.
As I speak, “Why do I do this thing?” He asks.
“Why cover how you feel?”
“Why not show yourself, and not kneel?”
“Because I must make the boys and girls smile!”
“But then you’re a clown, who leads a false lifestyle.”
“I am no clown,”
“I am only someone who hides his frown.”

https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/695wml/a_true_broken_heart/dh42zm6/

https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/695izk/sonnet_1925/dh4381e/

Posted May 4, 2017, 8:21 AM UTC

25
AddictiveSoup•

I found there to be an interesting sort of jovial bounce to the way this poem read, which obviously contrasted with the tone, but in a cool way I thought.

I think that the sort of cheery connotations of "Good Morning, Good Morning" set the feeling for that, and the brevity of the AABBCC... rhyme scheme kept it going.

Felt the syntax was a little clunky in spots like "his heart he must bypass", and felt like you just needed to find a way to fit the rhyme in. Perhaps it just reads a little old-school to me, but then again there's nothing wrong with that if it's what you're going for.

2
Hailfire007•

I love the contrast between the title and the poem itself. The exploration of his/your motivations is astoundingly good. Keep up the good work! In my humble opinion, maybe separate line 6 into two?: The shower curtain screeches,
Open then close,

It will break the rhyme scheme, but only for one line. I believe it will add effect, by subtly showing the cracks/flaws in the character.

Also, I love the enjambment in line 15 to keep the rhyme scheme, whist adding a sense of confusion.

2
The_Thunderer0•

I love the "personal summer rainstorm" line and then how then at that moment you shift the tone of the poem to a darker one, like the cold feeling one gets when they turn off the shower. Also I really like the use of dialogue. I agree with those who mentioned the contrast of the title and the poem, I like that a lot. I also appreciate how the title suggests a phrase repeated so often it becomes meaningless and empty. Very good, I like it.
And I just posted a poem if you wouldn't mind giving it a look https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/69twgn/shes_a_troubled_girl/

2
rodrigosann•

I think line 5 might have a mistake: "The shower curtain screeches open then close(s)"

Otherwise, wow, amazing little piece. The different uses of filth gave more depth to the poem. Every time I re-read this poem, I understand more of it. Very good, 10/10. Check out some of my poems if you have the time!

1
da_turkeyOP•

No, line 5 just has weird wording not a typo. A lot of my friends said that and I had to explain lol. Thank you so much, I wasn't sure if people would understand the filth wording. Will do man!

2