She's a Troubled Girl
She’s a troubled girl
she thinks that nobody cares,
but all the while I struggle not to stare.
She invests in the superficial,
slathering her face— becoming artificial.
she begs for attention
with her fake complexion.
I’ve noticed the make-up and hair
but about that I hardly even care;
And I know she’d be relieved to stop
decorating her face as a prop.
But I’ve noticed how just one cheek
dimples when she laughs,
a sound that makes me weak,
and the curls of hair
she always runs her fingers through
and how to a book her nose is glued too.
At night she fights demons
and wonders whether life is worth living
and every night prayers she’s giving
for just a bit of peace.
She struggles to know what God sees
I’m afraid to confess for fear
of rejection from this girl
who is unsure if God even hears.
The risk of making a small break
in my heart
is worth it for merely her sake.
for if I can show her
she is of value
risking a heart
is an easy thing to do.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/68vym3/sad_songs/dh9awzs/ https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6969pp/good_morning_good_morning/dh9an0z/
Posted May 7, 2017, 9:27 PM UTC
I'm always a bit weirded out by poetry/fiction that seems to suggest that a girl has value if/when a boy is attracted to her. Seen from the girls point of view, this could just be some creeper who stares at her when he thinks she doesn't notice, and somehow knows exactly what she does at night in the comfort and privacy (?) of her own home.
Of course I didn't mean for it to be seen that way, but I definitely understand why t seems that way. The narrator does seem slightly creepy now that you say it that way.
I am, however, interested in that I've suggested that a girl is valued when a boy is attracted to her because I don't want to do that. I meant for the lines of noticing things about her to be little details that really aren't attractive features, just little things he's noticed, suggesting that he's paying attention to her (and i can see now how that could be creepy).
What I wanted to convey was that the girl doesn't feel valued, and may need someone to tell her that she is valued by them. Not a source of inherent value, but a realization of it.
I'll keep avoiding accidental creepiness in mind for the future.
There's nothing inherently creepy or sexist in your intent to portray a girl who may need someone else to tell her that she is interested valuable as a human being.
The issue I think is that in the text, this idea is conflated with the element of romantic attraction, with the boy in question openly speaking about how he is "taking a risk" and that he might be rejected (romantically). This suggests that (in the eyes of the speaker), he believes that if he only tells her about his feelings, she will feel valued. That's a pretty fucked up implication, and may in fact be completely opposite to authorial intent, but it's there in the text nonetheless.
Edit: interesting to inherently
That would be a messed up implication. I see that the poem can be read that way. Thank you
What i intended was for the boy to think that there be a possibility of making her feel better, not that he was the cure to her woes. The idea was that she thinks no one cares, but he does. But you are right, I need to have the poem clearly shows that, and the unintended implication is a mistake on my part.