A word from the heart.

As some of you know, this morning I had had enough, and threw in the towel. I said that that would be my last post. But I'll be honest, I have grown to love many of you. Although, no one in the outside world knows much of you, I truly consider you part of my family. I am not very close with mom, dad, or siblings. My girlfriend acknowledges the ME, but doesn't really get into it. I've asked her to join us here, but she rarely comes to visit. So, leaving you was cumbersome, and it was only for a day. I have no one else to talk to about these things. I had really found a home away from home here.

To those that are fairly new, let me try to explain how things were.

We were always, always uplifting and lighthearted! Even if we disagreed, we would end it in some notation of love. We were like best friends. Laughing, joking, sometimes even crying, but always loving. I realize as things grow, things also change. Change is one of those parts of life that will always be. But as change occurs, do let go of the values we learned along the way?

Downvotes, for the most part, did not occur. If we saw a thread that did not resonate with us, we would just continue to the next one. Now I can start a thread, and just a few moments later, I'll be downvoted for no reason at all. Even my comments get downvoted. Is that your right? Of course it is, but it's discouraged here. We were on a path of enlightenment, and one that I was thoroughly enjoying.

I feel like some of you are angry at me, but I hope that you can forgive me. I am going to be very open at this time. I am going to share a few things with you that I haven't told you. I am not looking for your pity. I am just trying to be transparent for a moment.

I have three children that I have not seen in over four years. I do my absolute best to take care of them from a distance. I work a hard labor job, so that I can pay my full child support and still have a decent life financially. I pay two hundred and eighty dollars a week, and my ex-wife, and my mother keep them from me. I do not know where they live. I do not have their phone number. They are breaking the law, but apparently it's okay to do. And they are supposed to be devout christians. I have just recently found my oldest daughters facebook, and I am now trying to figure out the best way to break the ice. I'm fearful that she hates me. Although, I know how hard I have tried to get back into their life, I'm not sure a teenager would understand emotionally. My parents (well my mother and two siblings out of three) have disowned me. I am not the type of guy that fits into their nice little neat box. I am the outcast. I am the black sheep. Since I do not go to church. I do not pray, as they do. I do not read the bible. Therefore I am a sinner, and I have rebelled against god. Although, I have been on a search for the truth, and feel closer to God (however you choose to define that) than I ever have before. I left all I know to understand the truth for truths sake. And don't even get me started about my girlfriend. We have been in a stressed relationship for almost two years. I rarely see her. I live alone, and I get lonely.

Now I hope you understand my struggles, and why I threw in the towel this morning. I know I cannot leave you at this point in my life. I hope that you can forgive me, and that we can move on. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.