I wasn't attacking him lol he seems supper smart


As someone who's been reading hodsonae a while, I'mma vouch for his credentials in this form.

 Is this bad/good/ok you never said. I just ordered Kerouacs book. Ive been reading Richard Wrights book of haikus


I like it but that last line seems a little off.  

A little nitpick, but important nonetheless, I would suggest omitting "near my door." It seems a bit extraneous. That could just be my weird tastes, but I'd like to see the poem develop as quickly as possible while simulataneously ensuring each word counts. Still a great haiku though!

 the singing bird is a bird. I'm going to rewrite this. I do also perceive it as melancholy humbleness.

Who is the singing bird?


The feeling I get from this is a bit of sadness. A failure of a sense. Is that what you were going for?

Would agree that the last line just needs a little re-shaping. 

_I think he could go_

_Without the colon and it_

_Would feel more natural_


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&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ^- ^Wizard_Guy5216


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^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^made ^^by ^^/u/Eight1911. ^^I ^^detect ^^haiku.

I think he could go without the colon and it would feel more natural

Beautiful! Only thing is the last line feels a little off to me. I love the premise though.

    I lay my horn down
    The singing bird near my door
    Plays a better blues

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6s267n/two_sonnets_the_hunt_my_funny_valentine/?utm_content=title&amp;utm_medium=user&amp;utm_source=reddit)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6s6ryw/a_facade/)

Haiku