Source
r/ForeverAlone•
Fingersteps

What's the appeal in high school love?

This isn't meant to be judgmental and is purely for curiosity's sake.

Throughout the time I've been posting here, I've seen countless people remark about how they just wish they could have experienced high school love. This has always stricken me as really odd, because I think that the best parts of relationships usually come much later. In fact, thinking back to when I was in high school, it seemed like the relationships were full of drama, cheating, and superficial - people jumping from "serious" relationships to another in a week.

Okay, you didn't get exposed to the typical teenager romantic experience... but it's not like this diminishes the impact of any possible future relationship. It's not like adult relationships have no passion or excitement behind them. In fact, I think the best is to come. Yes, you have less obligations as a teenager... but you trade that for much more independence as an adult.

Yet, I know this missed shot at love is something that bothers a lot of the posters here. So, what's the appeal I'm not understanding?

Posted Aug 9, 2017, 2:06 AM UTC

924
NotMyTypesType•

You don't have a lot of responsibilities and everything is experienced much more intensely because you have no frame of reference, it's all new. Plus it's easy to glorify something you didn't experience because it seems like it's all sex and roses.

28
FingerstepsOPundercover penguin•

You don't have a lot of responsibilities

Sure, but isn't the gain in independence a good trade-off?

and everything is experienced much more intensely because you have no frame of reference, it's all new.

This is valid for any first relationship though, isn't it? My thing is that missing out on high school love doesn't mean you've permanently lost out on some aspect of love. You'll still get to experience the same first-time thrill in your first relationship.

4
Darth_O•

You'll still get to experience the same first-time thrill in your first relationship.

The problem is it won't be mutual.

15
DizzyUpTheWorldAliceInNoMan'sLand•

The thing about high school, though, is that, from what I've seen and heard, quite a large number of people in high school don't lose their virginity to another virgin, either. The whole, "I'm your first and you're also my first," wouldn't necessarily happen even if your first was in high school.

4
BarbaBlannk•

You could date a high schooler, but I don't recommend that

2
WombatWithFedoraFormer FA who married a former FA•

That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age

9
ReunionIsland•

Sure, but isn't the gain in independence a good trade-off?

What fucking trade off is there?

This is like telling someone who woke up from a 20 year long coma that they got to skip over all those pesky years between 10-30 and get right to the good stuff with adult responsibilities, rent and a crushing realisation that nobody cares if you live or die.

All those other people who experienced a normal youth - they also get to experience a normal adulthood. Experiences and time are priceless and can never, ever be replaced or made up for.

7
falling_and_laughingaspiring solo cave dweller•

I experienced "high school love" as an adult and it was hell..I forgot to pay my bills, couldn't focus on work, all my friends thought I was acting like an idiot.

3
NotMyTypesType•

I'm with you on the idea that relationships are far more satisfying in adult life (but I say that as someone who never had one in high school to compare to), I'm just giving my understanding for why so many FAers seem stuck on this idea that high school love has passed them by.

It may also be that they wish they could experience love/sex with someone else for the first time.

2
oizzex-fa•

I think people are just longing for a normal life and all of its trappings.

19
bigwilly3921M, irrelevant username•

From my vantage point, it's not strictly the high school love itself but the things that surround it. If you had a high school love, you probably had a good time and decent group of friends. On top of that, it's something fond to look back upon between all the part-time jobs and stress of tests and homework during those years. It's something that most people experienced and can talk about and share with each other. It's something you can show your kids and laugh and reminisce about. But most of all, it's something that we needed to do to gain experience.

12
MinjazeLiving girl repellent•

No responsibilities, (she doesn't care about money, etc) you always see each other at school, she's likely to be just as inexperienced as you, and there's just something passionate and exciting about it. It's just something I'd like to experience...

8
fishhookurethra•

this has always stricken me as really odd, because I think that the best parts of relationships usually come much later.

We miss out on those parts, too.

7
FingerstepsOPundercover penguin•

Well, what sparks my curiosity about it is also the people that I've seen state that even if the future relationship were to happen, they would still regret the missed high school opportunity. I understand that the bolded if isn't something that's taken for granted.

8
fishhookurethra•

Why would you take speculation seriously? Doesn't it seem more likely that they won't regret their lack of highschool love?

2
seeking101•

my high school gf (15 years ago now) messaged me not that long ago and mentioned how back in high school it wasnt about what jobs we had, what school we were in, where we lived, how much money we made, or anything other than our feelings for each other. high school love is probably the most pure love there is

7
JaJammerJan•

Anything other than looks you mean. High school love might be the most 'pure', but it is still shallow as hell.

5
seeking101•

point being its based 100% on feelings

infatuation, lust, love, whatever feelings it might be doesn't matter

2
trucksareforgirlsDr. Trucks ;)•

I don't get it either.

High school sucked. Being a teenager sucked. The last thing I needed back then was adding a bunch of bullshit hormones and drama to life. None of those relationships lasted. Most were trainwrecks.

6
NameForASexTape•

It's a learning experience. That's about it. A chance to work out that awkward bad kissing where it's just two people swishing tongues and trying to eat each other's faces. A chance to get over thinking women enjoy getting awkwardly fingerblasted. It's not real love. They think it is. They all think it's the most unique love on the planet that no one understands, and it'll last forever. In reality, they're infatuated with the idea of being in love. Not much different than a lot of guys here. And we all know they'll break up in a couple of months.

5
WildHuntsman•

High-school relationships seem short-lived and futile to me.

4
burnerPhone411Realistically optimistic but still FA•

Honestly, I don't see the appeal either. I'm FA as well but I never longed for a high school romance. I didn't even expect or want to date anyone in high school because, well, teenagers are generally voluntarily dumber than sacks filled with shit.

They "seriously date" people for a week then dump them. It's all kiddy drama and stupidity. Man, I hated high school; what a mess.

3
silky_malone•

From my vantage point, it's not strictly the high school love itself but the things that surround it. If you had a high school love, you probably had a good time and decent group of friends.

This is kind of where I'm at. The things that kept me from experiencing high school love - anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. - have also held me back in all aspects of life. Being able to ask a girl out on a date would have meant I had some ability to socialize and pursue who I wanted.

I'm in my late 20s and have never been on a date at all. I feel not only like I missed out, but completely unfamiliar with how relationships work and how I would function if I was in one. It makes me feel like I'm still a little kid or something.

2
AnitaTT•

The innocense of love in high school before sti's, bills, taxes, etc that complicate life make their love more pure and serene.

1
DizzyUpTheWorldAliceInNoMan'sLand•

I think there are actually quite a few STIs in high school, too. Unfortunately.

And I know, ideally, it seems more serene, but watching all the high schoolers in my family, there is a lot of drama in high school relationships, and not too much serenity. Of course, some are. I'm not judging them all; you can have a beautiful relationship no matter the age. And some teens find their perfect soul mate and spend lovely nights gazing at the stars together and stay together for very lengthy time periods, like maybe four months even ;) But I actually think really peaceful and serene relationships usually require a little more emotional maturity. I'll give you pure, though.

8
DarkAdonis99•

I wasn't interested in a relationship in highschool (UK here so it was over just before I turned 16) and from what I gathered from those who were they were basically just trying to pretend like they were adults kinda like how you played shop or something when you were little, I don't feel I missed out at all...after school ended sure, but at school? Nah.

1