The Degenerate Vs The Novice Chronicles - Week 2

Week 1 Review So, week one did not go well. He beat me. Albeit only by one. None the less, the man who watches one football game a year, beat me week one. See, this is why I hate betting against the spread. I would have done relatively well without it. Underdogs fucked me hard. I mean, how does Cleveland only lose by 3? How do the Jaguars destroy Houston's defense. WHO THE FUCK DOES SAM BRADFORD THINK HE IS! Anyways, lets hope week two can treat me better. If you would like to read the original post, you can find it here

Week 2 For those of you new to this, this is a post chronicling me vs my big brother Brandon in a pick 'em pool against the spread in the NFL. Remember, I watch too much football, and he watches 1 game a year, and its for the buffet at our Super Bowl party. Oh, and to cap off how lucky this man is, every year at said party he cashes in every box pool he enters for the game, and usually wins the 50/50 draw the pub holds the day of the big game, valued typically well over $400. That's what I'm up against.

YTD Brandon 6-8 Gary 5-9

Browns +7.5 @ Ravens

Brandon: Ravens - Even he knows how shitty this team has been. He just spouted off a stat that the Indians just won more games in a row than the Browns won in the last 5 years combined. I'm a little worried. He's learning

Gary: Browns - I'm going to fall into the same pattern as most idiot football fans do, and completely overreact to the first week. If they can lose to the Steelers by 3, they can lose to the Ravens by less than.

Bills +7.5 @ Panthers

Brandon: Panthers - He's trying to figure out what city the Bills play in. He went from Buffalo, to Cleveland, to Cincinnati, then said Cincinnati Reds with great enthusiasm, followed by him coming to the realization that the Reds are baseball. Now he's questioning what a Bill is. He thinks it's a ducks bill and I don't have the heart to correct him. He also assumes that every player is named Bill. "Bunch of big cats against a bunch of guys named bill, that's a no brainer."

Gary: Bills - The Bills showed me the same thing that the Panthers did last week - that they can beat down on shitty football teams. 7.5 is alot.

Cardinals -7.5 @ Colts

Brandon: Cardinals "The St. Louis Cardinals?" "Do the Colts play in Cincinnati?" I told him the truth don't worry. He learned from season 7 of the popular HBO show, Game of Thrones, that birds are faster than Indy cars. Thus, the Cardinals will rush for 300+ yards, which I think is a bold call.

Gary: Cardinals - What I learned last week is that as long as Tolzien has the ball for the Colts, there is no spread big enough.

Titans -1.5 @ Jaguars

Brandon: Titans - He remembers the Titans... Get it? Cause of the movie?... Never mind.

Gary: Jaguars - Because I am a sucker for recency bias. Because of Leonard Fournette. Because I apparently don't want to win this fucking pool.

Eagles +4.5 @ Chiefs

Brandon: Chiefs - Now he knows the most about the Chiefs because they are my team and I never shut up about them. He's using what little knowledge he has here to make an informed decision, which worries me a little. Patriots came back from a 28-3 deficite. Chiefs beat the Patriots. So he's picking the Chiefs. Sorry kids, nothing funny here. Just sound logic.

Gary: Chiefs - Betting against the Chiefs in a home opener at Arrowhead seems silly to me. Maybe I'm a homer. Maybe it's because it gets louder than hell in there. Maybe it's because they tore the Pats a new one last week in Foxborrow. Whatever the reason I'm taking my beloved Kansas City Chiefs.

Patriots -6.5 @ Saints

Brandon: Patriots - "If I know anything about America, it's that there is a war going on, on religion. You know, gotta get rid of Christmas." I'm not sure where he's going with this, But I'll wait it out. "You can't say Christmas. Its a war on religion. That being said, I'm taking the Patriots, because there going to beat out of the Saints." Took me way to long to make the connection between America fighting religion and the Patriots playing the Saints, and I'm a little embarrassed... Great, now he's singing When The Saints Go Marching In

Gary: Patriots - I'm not ready to give up on Brady. Plus his numbers in a dome are very good.

Vikings +6.5 @ Steelers

Brandon: Vikings - He doesn't know what a Steeler is. Not sure I do either. He's taking the Vikings because our mom just had a DNA test done to find out what our genetic background consists of, and found out that we are about a quarter Scandinavian. "Gotta root for the home country."

Gary: Vikings - If the Steelers can barely beat the Browns, how can the beat the Vikings by 7. Seriously, I'm asking you.

Bears -7 @ Buccaneers

Brandon: Buccaneers - Pirates have guns. Guns, kill Bears.

Gary: Buccaneers - This Tampa Bay team excites me. I think they will impress this year, maybe even win that division. Winston has shown flashes of brilliance and I think this is his break out year. I guess we'll see

Dolphins -4.5 @ Chargers

Brandon: Dolphins - "FINKLE IS EINHORN!" Literally shouted it. He recalls a Simpsons episode where dolphins took over the world, which leads him to believe, dolphins are smart.

Gary: Chargers - Until they Dolphins figure out what Cutler is, I cannot in good faith pick them on the road.

Cowboys -2.5 @ Broncos

Brandon: Cowboys - "The Cowboys are gonna ride the shit out of those Broncos!"

Gary: Cowboys - Denver showed me nothing. Cowboys showed me a little.

Jets +14 @ Raiders

Brandon: Jets - He says he can't bet against a spread like that. At least he knows how spreads work

Gary: Raiders - Nope. Not taking the Jets. You can't make me.

Redskins +2.5 @ Rams

Brandon: Redskins - Because "racism again."

Gary: Rams - Jared Goff went off last week. It was fun to watch. I know it was against the God awful Colts, but still. All they have to do is beat Cousins by 3? I'll take those odds.

49ers +13.5 @ Seahawks

Brandon: Seahawks - Apparently he knows who Russel Wilson is. That through me off. Oh, the Eminem song. He's taking the Seahawks because their QB is in an Eminem song.

Gary: Seahawks - I hate this. Seahawks have zero O line. 49ers are beyond trash. But based on Seattle's D, I'm gonna take them.

Packers +2.5 @ Falcons

Brandon: Packers - He's gonna pick the Packers every week because they are the only team he played as in NFL Blitz 2000 for the N64.

Gary: Packers - Packers seem to be in mid season form. What they did to Seattle's defense in the second half leads me to believe this is going to be a blood bath, and neither team will come out of it the same.

Lions +4 @ Giants

Brandon: Lions - "Who is Russel Westbrook?" I can't make this shit up. He's picking the Lions because of David and Goliath. I'll tell you something, if David was a lion, I wouldn't have skipped my Bible study.

Gary: Lions - Matt Stafford impressed me. Eli Manning further cemented in my brain that he is by far the worst QB to ever win two Super Bowls. Somebody please refresh me how he did that.

I'm optimistic about week two. I think it could go well for me. We learned a lot about these teams last week and I'm going to benefit from that knowledge... Who am I kidding, this idiot savant is going to beat me again.

P.S. I'm still singing When the Saints Go Marching in.

@theGaryKozchuck on the Twitter machine.