As a middle aged man with no love for night life and some emotional scaring from my wife's wild sexual extra-marital escapades. I dream of the simple ways of Mormonism. I dream of finding a nice sweet monogamous girl there. I know all about The psychological processes at work in my stressed out mind. I Never thought I would have these feelings. Help!
Posted Sep 16, 2017, 10:14 PM UTC
Jesus, don't fall for the idea that the only nice girls are Mormon. Go out and find a new woman. Time to get your shit together and quit feeling sorry for yourself.
There are tens of millions of wonderful simple monogamy-leaning women in this world. Go online!
And try to relish your solitude. I discovered that I like nothing better than to hike alone in the desert. It's a huge psychological cleansing.
Those thoughts are totally understandable. I used to tell my friend (when I was on the fence) "maybe I should go back? I feel like I'm missing something" and he'd be really supportive and say sure , definitely try it then if that's how you feel. The funny thing is, Sunday would roll around and I'd pay close attention to my feelings and realize I didn't REALLY want to go, I just wanted relief from the stress of my faith crisis and to feel "normal" again. Finding another community, sports team, congregation, etc. though may be a good thing in the meantime! Sorry about your divorce stress :(
Can relate. Life outside the cult is so crazy. On the one hand we all have so many opportunities for new life experiences. It's a chance to recapture the part of ourselves that we had to give up. The things that make life so real and authentic also make us feel vulnerable. When I feel vulnerable it makes me crave that black and white line of thinking. It would be so much easier to "know" things again. But then I remember that I didn't really know anything. And I didn't really get to do anything either. And I didn't get to really be much of anything. And my personal relationships were not all that meaningful. That perfect black and white thinking had me living a two dimensional life. I am sorry for your current state, but I promise it will get better. Pretty soon you will need some new sunglasses for your bright new future.
When I think of going back it's not to believe again. Just to have community and friendship. My friends were shallow but they were there. I could never believe again. I go to meet ups sometimes too. I went to a work party lastnight and it was nice but it was hard seeing all my coworkers with there beautiful happy wives and girlfriends.
It will get better. Slowly maybe but it will get better.
I feel much better this morning. Thanks.
My time outside of the church has been an amazing period of reinvention. I don't have a lot of friends since leaving the church but I have time for myself. Discovering my hobbies, my true values, and understanding how life and the world actually works. You have a great opportunity ahead of you. Keep at it one day at a time!
I'm confused now. Our therapist is sure she won't divorce me. I'm supposed to just hold on until she comes to her senses. That she is going through a mid life crisis. That she will love me eventually.
When you are emotionally stressed, you are the most vulnerable. The church narative plays off your stress. Please don't sucker for it again.