Source
r/MtF•
PorgFanatic

I just can’t anymore

I can’t handle this anymore. Almost 3 years on hrt and I have had almost no changes. It’s so depressing getting all dressed up, makeup nail polish and skirts and everything when I know that no matter what I do, almost everyone that sees me when I’m in public just sees a freak guy in a dress. This is killing me emotionally. Knowing I’ll never pass, knowing I’m just the local freak show.

I’m almost 40 and waited way too long to transition. I know this is all my fault. I’m having a hard time seeing a decent way out of this. I can’t detransition and I can’t keep going like this. I’m too afraid to leave the house most of the time. What kind of life is this. I have no friends or family anymore. I feel so alone and scared and tired of life.

I think it’s time to give up.

Posted Sep 27, 2017, 10:16 PM UTC

56
missuniqueusername01•

I too had these same exact issues. I'm 31 years old and feel I started way too late as well. Hunny, please stop thinking of yourself in such a negative light. All women cis and trans struggle with confidence. Did you want to transition to feel comfortable in your own skin or were you looking to win a beauty pagent? Our beauty makes us more beautiful then any amount of makeup can. Trust me, once you love and accept yourself, what others think won't matter. Being a women isn't easy, were constantly being judged by men and women. Not just for looks but how we conduct ourselves and treat others. It sucks, right? Just be you. The you that you know is freaking awesome. I'm sorry for being blunt and writing too much. I love you.

4
Findingmyhopetoo•

What's your e levels like? Have you done voice coaching? Hair removal?

3
PorgFanaticOP•

I’ve been between 100 and 150 for most of the tests I’ve had. No voice unfortunately. 6 sessions of laser and it’s starting to come back already just a few months later.

2
M-ChristinaDutch lesbian trans woman•

Do you know if they test estradiol (E2) and estrone (E1) for you?

There are indications that in some women the balance goes 1:10 but E1 is less effective and so blocks the more effective estradiol from binding to the receptors. No proper research yet but indications show getting it closer to 1:1 can help.

3
Findingmyhopetoo•

Well I'm not a doctor but I'd say get those e levels up. Mind you I'm in Canadian so my unit of measurement is probably different but my e levels are mid 800's. My doctor upped my dosage to 8mg e a day and I've been getting better results.

Laser will grow back due to the fact that only 20-30% of facial hair is active at any given time. Usually 7-10 sessions are required. Maybe electro?

I'm starting voice lessons tomorrow with some one I coordinated with on Reddit. We're going to be doing hourly sessions over skype. I'd recommend it highly.

When I first started transition I was (and still partially am) against the idea of "passing" that all being said I am slowly doing more and more to "blend"

I was once told one of the tricks to passing is voice,hair,makeup.

Whatever you decide, know that your beautiful for simply seeking your truth.

Kindest,

~Hope

2
[deleted]•

[removed]

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