Why can’t I decide for myself that it’s time to go? I know that it’s myself holding me back right now but I wish I could really talk about it with my therapist or anyone really, without them threatening to call the police.
Seriously though why do people think they should have the right to make me live when I really don’t want to? I honestly don’t understand their reasoning. Why does everyone feel so entitled to my life?
Posted Oct 6, 2017, 12:24 AM UTC
Why do you feel entitled to your life? Your parents made it after all. They also equipped you with whatever evolved into suicidality, but that was certainly a mistake that everyone would rather was undone. Unless you have some exceptionally-powerful truth about how you will want to die forever? That you are impervious to happiness, or to enjoying life at any point?
This is just the devil's advocate here, trying to remind you what you sound like to anyone else. Just because you own your skin doesn't mean you don't owe it to anyone to try making them happy or better off. You didn't learn English and whatever else you know alone, but you'd pay them back with sorrow? Jump out of the system. See yourself as the narrator and not the protagonist, you might change your mind about something.
You can talk to your therapist about this. It is their job. You shouldn't assume what a trained expert will think about what only you know.
Unless you have some exceptionally-powerful truth about how you will want to die forever?
Well, once you are dead, you are unable to really regret it. Why can't a person decide that the net negatives outweigh the net positives in life?
People are stupid? Especially depressed people are in a bad place to decide rationally.
The beauty of having a juicy modern brain is knowing what the consequences of actions is ahead of time. Yes, you wouldn't regret it. Also, everyone who knew you will hurt deeply. Unless you agree with libertarian ideals that nobody is inherently tied to anybody else, you must accept that your actions affect others. Think of this: how many people pitch their family the question "would you mind if I died" and get lukewarm-yes responses? Nobody. So either you specifically go against their will with immature reasoning ("they can't stop me if I don't tell them, not like they even cared!") Or you accept they're respectable humans too and you share your thoughts and feelings like they tell you is healthy.
You can't tell me there's a rational calculus of net positive to net negative in life. People's priorities change all the time when their lives change. You think parents still want money as much as they did when they were teens?
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I understand how you feel. I've been feeling the same way the last few years.