Woman is sick of scammers bullshit but decides to play along
boredpanda.com/funny-scammer-reply-anil-khullar/
boredpanda.comPosted Oct 6, 2017, 3:19 AM UTC
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boredpanda.comI call bullshit on the bullshit! I'm an Indian, and although I'm no dialect expert, I've worked for a year with Indian people with poor English skills to help them with language through conversation. so I'm no grammarian, but I can tell the language roots and the common mistakes, and this sounds incredibly fake!
the first flag was when I saw the use of the word "playing" by the indian dude. it's absolutely impossible for an indian guy to use "playing" like that. and then it progressively devolved into clear errors that sound like someone pretending to be indian by throwing in shitty typos and their idea of the average Indian creep on Facebook. also, there are several phrases she used that he absolutely would not have been able to understand were he indian. accompanied by the fact that the whole conversation took place non stop in the course of like 2-3 hours on the same day.. I mean this post has clearly blown up, so good for whoever made all this up.
if anyone is interested I could go into a blow-by-blow account of some types of errors he's made and why they seem fake.
tl;dr - I'm Indian, have worked to help Indians improve their English, and I am absolutely unconvinced that this is real.
edit: would like to clarify that I'm not in any way denying existence of Indian creeps on Facebook and in general. I'm probably reminded of their existence on a daily basis.
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Are you asserting that the situation like this doesn’t happen or that this particular example is contrived?
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of course it happens. my "other" inbox is flooded by dozens of creeps that sound like this. In fact I was finding this post pretty funny until I realised some interchanges didn't sound right. so I do think this specific post is contrived.
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Could you make that blow-by-blow thing and show the wrong parts of this? I'm genuinely intrigued.
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Let's call them Anal and OP. I hope I can coherently put my points across, please excuse any disorganisation, I'm also pretty sleepy. Do check the texts I refer to whenever needed. I'm dividing this into sections.
- Phrases that Anal should not have been able to understand, and were probably thrown in to make OP seem witty (my opinion), but Anal seemed to respond as though he either entirely comprehended, or did not question those sentences at all:
- "Do you have any suggestions on how we can bridge the gap between us pet?" ("Pet" and "bridging the gap" in particular) He replied to this convoluted question with 100% comprehension, answering with "maybe I can come to you"! The man can barely piece together a word let alone a sentence, and here he is knee-deep in colloquialisms. Good for him. /s
- He immediately understood "man bits" "lady bits" and "bosom" in her code instructions.. but doesn't know it's "boob" and not "bob"... cool cool. as long as you know bosom and lady bits when it's convenient and don't know boobs when it isn't. ALSO, he managed to successfully understand the instructions and execution of her convoluted grammar exercise of replacing terms with others, but is otherwise incapable of piecing together sentences better than "no call me anal". which, incidentally, sounds like English impressions of non-english-speaking Spanish people too. "no hablo ingles" kind of thing. Just a hunch, may not be actuality. But my guess is an indian guy, given the language structures in India, would make a mistake like "my name not anal" - again, I'm no expert. It's just that "no call me anal" doesn't correspond to indian grammars.
- "Good heavens! You want to love n sex me? That sounds incredibly sinister yet intriguing at the same time" He replied with a yes bb, having understood the furthest of her literary reaches completely as usual. An actual indian guy would've understood close to nothing.
- "Insolent fart"
- "Strip me naked, tie me to a bed in IKEA and whip me with a brasserie" are you kidding me? aside from all the non-local terms like IKEA, whipping, brasserie... we're expected to believe he understood and dismissed the sarcasm here to move on to the last sentence about money? Small chance he ignored the text and just read the bit he understood.. but come on. This chunk would've baffled the shit out of a speaker of English as bad as he's established to be.
- The whole discourse about Bob's Mohammed's, Gareth's... as amusing as it is. This guy somehow immediately inferred from this sarcastic text, that OP has misunderstood his "Bob" to be a name, and went on to clarify he meant "tittis". This implies he realised and knew that Bob can also be an English name, in which case he shouldn't have mixed them up at all. If he's at that level of comprehension, my spidey senses tell me he'd know what a damn boob is and not just say Bob for comedic effect.
- "How can that be made possible?" At this point I've pointed out far redder flags, but come on. I've taught people who were better at English than he seems to be, and they can't put together a simple past tense sentence. This is just a reach for someone who isn't good with grammar to understand. His tenses are ghastly in his messages.
- "My husband left me for the tramp..." to which he responds with "so sorry sexi" and that one day he can be her bf. (a) he can spell sorry now! (b) he understands the English etiquette of responding to someone's ill-fortune with "so sorry". (c) he understood her entire, long, confusing sentence. Jesus, I just about skimmed over that message of hers, I'm glad he took the time to let it all sink in with his secondary language setback and everything. /s
- "What an enormous coincidence Anal. I was just thinking I would love to be in contact with an indian man honny." He replied with "real nice baby" having obviously understood this roundabout statement by OP (he knows what coincidence is!) or, who knows, just a lucky guess that it was a positive statement. /s
- "I shall rev up my mobility scooter and go to the western union shop now" response - ok, message when you're there. How the fuck did you understand that, Anal? I barely did.
- Phrases an indian would not say:
- "I sick of ur shit" - max red flag.
- "U a real bitch"
- "Bby r u playin"
- "no call me anal" is such a caveman way to speak when you're capable of saying "no my name is Anil not anal. pls call me that" just a few messages ago and "I am not scammer" some messages later..
- "Make a f*ckn fool of me" relatively intricate phrase for someone who also says "I real for your love". On the subject of this, he knows about the word "am", as in "I am not scammer" and "I am gona go fuck my hot woman", but not in "I sick of your shit" and "I real for your love".
- "I good man I honest man" really sounds much more like someone trying to do an impression of an indian guy than an actual guy struggling with grammar. /opinion
- Forced-sounding typos to
uneducateifythe messages, or for fear of sounding too knowledgeable:
relatonship, Briton, transfere, accounte, mitie cock, tittis, bob (like come on, not all Indian dudes say Bob. It's hilarious, but realistically, I'm sure that was a one off guy, porn exists for that kind of nomenclature to be in place ffs), detials, netx(next), sory, freinds, to gether, now(know), ment(meant)
-
Let's also note that the most common phone OS in India, especially among his assumed economic category by probably a 100%, is android. these messages were sent via mobile (note the auto capitalisations). android by default auto corrects. unless he (a) actively disabled autocorrect, which seems like a reach, or (b) for
some reasonspelled things wrong on purpose, the Android keyboard should've corrected a large chunk of the mistakes above. I realised this while trying to type those out. just try typing "sory" without your phone chastising you. -
Other stuff that bothered me:
- as mentioned, the timeline of the conversation happened all in the same evening in a pretty rapid-fire way.
- why would OP add a weirdo on Facebook? I get that the premise is she was trying to fuck with him. but she had no reason to accept his request. and she somehow knew he was a money scammer from the start?? how often are creepy indian guys also fluent enough to be proficient scammers? does this happen a lot? he wants bob pix AND money from her? strange premise.
- Not one damn message is accidentally grammatically correct. nearly EVERY sentence sent by him has a forced grammar or spelling error in it. If an actual English speaker was trying here, he'd get a fair amount of short sentences and messages correct, at least by fluke, because he'd try to stick to what he knows grammatically and keep it simple, rather than being verbose. Anal's either very unlucky with his grammar error rate, or someone just tried to make him sound illiterate. I wonder.
- Things that seemed genuine:
Moneygram and Western Union (which he went out of his way to mispell) appear to be legit active money transfer systems. Could've been easily googled though.
- Other explanations:
Maybe someone pretending to be a shady indian dude tried to scam OP out of money? but it seems like the last strategy one would adopt to scam someone is to take on the role of dodgy indian on Facebook who asks for money to have sex with attractive white ladies. Doesn't seem a very effective way, since no one would want to be a part of either of those things.
- Conclusion
But, if it's all true, good for Anal. he should give his TOEFL's because I'm sure he'd kill it with his superhuman level of comprehension.
Edits: Typo fixes.
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That was actually a great read, thanks man!
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Regardless of this being real or not, can we all try to make this the go-to way of dealing with annoying creeps?
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Pleeaassseeeemy dad always tells telemarketers that he charges to talk to telemarketers and asks them how they’d like to pay for talking to him
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Anal's a bitch..
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The horrible clickbait title in the article.
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That's odd, this was definitely on r/creepypms earlier and now it's gone. Boredpanda works fast, apparently.
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anal from anus ins't very smart.
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"bby" this guy said this throughout the passage it was annoying the fuck out of me
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This was absolutely inspired by James Veitch
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This is actually a man from the uk who does loads of these conversations to share on Facebook. He keeps getting banned from Facebook because he uses fake profiles to entice these 'scammers'. He was on a group I was in but they removed him because he was annoying.
EDIT: one of the fake profiles was Julian le flange??
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Qv as fuck
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Obide qv rules
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As you can clearly see, the "Yes, I am white" message box is cut off at the top. This post is poorly photoshopped, karmawhoring bullshit.
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Just because it's poorly put together doesn't necessarily mean the entire thing is bullshit. It's possible though.
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If it were just screenshots, that cut off box would not be there. Its in the middle of a screenshot.
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I'm pretty sure this "quit your bullshit" is actually bullshit, or at least she copied the concept from this video. The whole word-replacement thing is straight from there. It's a pretty funny video if you haven't seen it.
it's possible that she got the idea of messing with anal from that video, the video is pretty old and widely watched.
Maybe, but the whole thing kind of reads like it was written for the story. It's just a little bit too much. I'm not assuring anyone that it's contrived, but it's my gut feeling.
i dunno, i have messed with some of these sorts of people before since i saw that exact video you linked and it often plays out in a similar way.
they're so desperate to get your money and will do all sorts of things to prove you should send it to them.
It's also a pretty close copy of this one. Down to the picture at the end.
The anal joke is pretty standard fare tbh, it’s not like any of this has to be that original to be funny
Tbf, that's a common thing scambaiters do. Definitely looks like the "woman" has some scambaiting experience. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a dude posing as an elderly woman.
To be honest, I'm pretty sure it's a dude posing as an elderly woman and as a scammer having a conversation with himself.
Possibly. However, these scammers do exist and sometimes they really try everything imaginable to get that sweet sweet money. I've seen quite a few legit conversations not unlike this one here. Scambaiting really is an art.
Just rewatched it last night, kind of boring that she used the same shit he did/does, that guy has a channel where he does that stuff all the time!
Came back right after reading the word-replacements-bit and was gonna comment the same thing.
He's a genius though. Ducks are awesome.
That was unexpectedly hilarious. Thanks.