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r/stevenuniverse•
code_vector

What would happen if M. Night Shyamalan directed a live action Steven Universe?

Here is how I see it going:

  • It would adapt this first 26, with Lapis as the climax.

(This is where the good decisions stop)

  • White actresses cast as Garnet, Jasper, and Connie.

  • Black/Indian actresses cast as Pearl, Amythest, and Lapis.

  • Awful actor cast as Steven.

  • Characterization is scrapped in favor of rushing through the big story beats.

  • All of the Beach City folk will have 1 scene each and be played by actors sorta look on point.

  • White Diamond would, for some reason, pop up a bunch to order people around and sit in a throne for most of it.

  • It will take 4 Peridots to move 1 rock. I know Peridot wasn't introduced until after the Lapis stuff... but this joke is too good not to use.

  • And finally, to make the film more marketable to boys, over half of the gems will be recast as males.

Posted Oct 10, 2017, 3:28 PM UTC

1521
Subzero008All shall love me and despair.•

Let's not forget "Steven" will be pronounced "Steh-van," and "Rose Quartz" would be "Rosey."

17
code_vectorOPShtuball•

"We must stop White Die-a-mond."

10
EeSeeZeeNOO MI TORTAAAA•

Steven ( to Amethyst) : "What if Homeworld comes for me? What would you do?"

Amethyst, who is the playful one in the group:

"I'd kill them all."

2
gwiz665•

He already ruined Avatar: The Last Airbender, don't make me imagine this travesty too..

11
scrag-it-allpeace and love on the planet earth•

There was never a live action AtlA movie. All we have is the cartoon.

12
RoxieloxieHOT POTATO•

There is no movie in Ba Sing Se

14
Hunginthe514•

There is no film within the walls of r/basingse

6
Clarknado3742•

The Earth King has invited you to r/LakeLaogai

3
AHumanPeople•

I amm honored to accept his invitation

3
TheRealGC13I'm always sad when I'm lonely•

All three Crystal Gems would have to dance together to form Alex–

Alright, so maybe everything wouldn't change when the Fire Nation Shyamalan attacked.

6
code_vectorOPShtuball•

Fusions would just be giant spirit holograms that appear over the gems. The three would still be visible, moving in unison underneath. Because that never looks dumb.

3
Sergeant-sergei•

Spirit holograms

You mean stands?

2
code_vectorOPShtuball•

I'm picturing this but stupider.

EDIT: Actually that's less M. Night Shyamalan's Steven Universe and more Steven Universe Evolution.

2
Kayden21•

It would be fucking horrible.

5
rooktakesqueen•

I'm glad M. Night would never be allowed to make a movie about this or any other beloved children's cartoon.

5
RamblingTokuFanWhere the Gem women at?•

...Well, there are some good ideas there.

1
jekylphd•

Murder.

1
Nacho_Cheesus_ChristwHaT HAppEnED?•

mfw M. Night

1
AHumanPeople•

Think of what he would do to fusion

1
nix80908•

No! ... Just No! --- After what he did to "The Last Airbender" -- No.

1
EeSeeZeeNOO MI TORTAAAA•

Pearl (deadpan, to Steven ) : "This is a mirror we found at the Galaxy Warp. It will teach you about what we really are. You should know now that you're old enough."

Steven (examines mirror): Why can't you just tell me what we really are?

Pearl (mystical-like): It would be better for you to learn on your own. Garnet and Amethyst and I will always be here to help guide you."

Later on.....

(Steven looks at the back of the mirror, stares at the gem there)

(Wind starts blowing , a wave suddenly crashes ominously hard on the beach)

(Steven can't take his eyes off the gem; camera pans in closer and closer to the blue gemstone. The sound of the wind morphs into screaming that sounds far off but is still audible to Steven, mirror starts shaking, Steven drops it It shock, the mirror lands in the sand and only the sound of the beach remains.

Steven, looking at mirror on ground: "That didn't seem right."

1