Sunday Wedding Recap: We Got Married!

After a year and a week of wedding planning and stress we're finally done! (what am I going to do with all of my free time now?) We had a Sunday wedding, which was risky in terms of guest list, but it actually worked out really well (I think it helped that Monday was Columbus Day so some people had the day off). Our major points of stress were having to fire the maid of honor less than 2 weeks before the wedding and passive aggressive behavior between our moms, which we expected, but for the most part everything went well.

The Guest List

We invited 139, of which 69% was from out of state (even more were from out of town, as we had a handful of guests from eastern PA while we're in the western part of the state). 96 accepted their invitations, of which 72% of our guests were from out of state. We were fortunate to learn about Kleinfeld Hotel Blocks on this subreddit which was really a life saver with that many out of town guests (they were able to find us a pet-friendly hotel with a bar that gave us a courtesy block for all of the rooms we needed). We were also really excited that we only had 1 no-show (which we knew about a week ahead of time. One of the bridesmaids and her boyfriend came down with mono before the wedding. My bridesmaid was able to make it, but her boyfriend was at the peak of his illness and unable to make the 4 hour drive with his symptoms).

The Wedding

We had an outdoor, secular ceremony at the venue. Since we live in Pennsylvania, we had a "self-uniting marriage", which meant that we didn't have to find an ordained officiant (Pennsylvania doesn't even accept ordained officiants without religious affiliations). It worked out really well and it was really awesome that our friend who introduced us could lead the ceremony. Everything was very personal and fit with who we are and our beliefs so well. The ceremony was immediately followed by a cocktail hour with passed apps, seated dinner, and dancing (through a hired DJ).

The Good

• Our Dog was our ring bearer and he did a fantastic job! One of the groomsmen's wives took care of him for the morning of the wedding, helped him get ready, helped set him up for his big task, and walked him into the reception for the grand entrances. A bridesmaid then took over and fed him dinner and took him back to the hotel after the reception.
• The hotel we blocked at had a large, open atrium that was great for socializing, as well as a bar with karaoke on Saturday night. This meant that socializing and hanging out with our out of town guests was really easy and a lot of fun. The hotel was also very flexible about their dog policy (they didn't care what rooms our dog visited or stayed in, as long as he didn't go into the bar/restaurant and he didn't go into the pool). We had a ton of fun partying with our friends at the hotel all weekend, including after we got back from the wedding.
• Our wedding party was AMAZING and went above and beyond. The girl we promoted to MOH was on point all weekend and was extremely helpful with everything. The girl we promoted to a bridesmaid came through in so many unexpected ways, from helping out with the dog to sending her husband on a last minute Walmart run to make me a locket when the necklace representing our deceased cat went missing. Another bridesmaid did my makeup and the corset lacing on my dress and was INCREDIBLE. I ended up being extremely happy with my decision to fire my former maid of honor because the wedding party we ended up with was so beyond amazing in the end.
• The DJ was incredible. People of all ages were on the dance floor all night despite the fact that we had a Sunday night wedding and a lot of our guests aren't big into dancing. He also threw in a great mix of oldies music for our older guests, current hits, and a set of 90's songs (*NSYNC & Backstreet Boys) that our friends loved singing and dancing along to.
• Our photographers were amazing too. Not just with the photos, but with their personality and their involvement. They were dancing and having a great time too and a lot of our guests told us about how much they loved them because of how personable and funny they were. They even ended up staying a half an hour (or more? They left after we did) past their contracted end time.
• For our last dance we had a spotlight dance per DJ recommendation. It was amazing slow dancing in the middle of a circle of cell phone lights with all of our closest family and friends singing along to the last song. It was also really touching to be able to look around and see the people who really went out of their way to be there for the entire reception (especially since it was a Sunday night reception).

The Bad

• The venue served the wrong salad and the DOC included with the venue tried to argue with us about it until we pulled out a picture of the menu we had decided on in her handwriting in the middle of dinner. The venue manager was extremely apologetic and helpful though. Also, we were the only ones who noticed and our guests were still happy and thought the meals were amazing.

• The venue forgot to give us, our wedding party, and our families the champagne toasts that were supposed to be included with the venue fee. They did come through and keep the open bar open for an extra half hour which made up for it though.

• Our parents (especially my MIL) did continue their passive aggressive behavior throughout the weekend. I received multiple complaints from my friends (anyone who treated my mom decently) about my MIL being rude, dismissive, and standoffish towards them throughout the weekend which was really frustrating and upsetting for both my husband and me.

The Ugly

• My FIL was confused about whether he was giving a welcome speech or a toast. He was also a bit drunk and ended up rambling about how he was going to wing his speech. He forgot to even welcome me to the family which was extremely upsetting for me at the time. He has since apologized and promised to give us an actual speech in the future (his family does like me and his father and I have always gotten along well).

• My GMIL and a small number of my husband's family left the wedding as soon as dinner was over (before the first dance even) without even saying goodbye. My husband and I are extremely upset about it and it's something he will be discussing with his parents. That being said, the rest of the family who stayed was also extremely upset with them (including the children of the aunt and uncle who left early who exclaimed that they were absolutely mortified by their parents' behavior). This was supposed to be my first time meeting 4 of the 5 people that left early (everyone except GMIL who I've met countless times and get along well with), and I still have not met them.

What I Learned

• Your guests most likely won't realize a lot of the things that go wrong that upset you. We were upset about the salads and the champagne toasts but our guests had no clue. We were upset about his grandma leaving but our guests don't know.
• Weddings really show you who your true friends are. We had friends traveling across the country (multiple guests from California, Washington, Colorado, and Texas) for our wedding that we didn't expect to come in at all. The more local friends were beyond helpful. We unfortunately, also learned of some people who aren't as wonderful as we thought (my ex-MOH who I'm cutting off all ties with, my husband's grandma, and one of his aunts and uncles). In the end though, the love and support of our true friends is what shows through and is what will stick with us for the rest of our lives.