Source
r/SupportCel•
Wayte13

I feel like I wasted my life becoming somebody who won't be happy

I'm 27, recently out of the military and looking back at my life, and where I am now, I really regret pretty much all of it. My experiences and my choices have brought me to a point where I'm safe, and boring, and just not attractive in any way related to personality. I'm not really sure how to move forward form this point: I know I need to change myself to ever have a shot at this, but I can't think of how to convince myself to be ok with losing who I am in the pursuit of happiness. I guess if anybody had advice on overcoming that, or the sorts of things I should be investing my time in to get to that point of being an attractive person, I'd really appreciate that. I know where I need to end up, but the path there is just so damn fuzzy from my perspective

Posted Oct 30, 2017, 12:29 AM UTC

310
Board_Gaming•

Since you were in the military, you have things to talk about that are interesting to people. What type of career do you want now?

5
Wayte13OP•

I don't particularly care honestly. I'm comfy where I'm at, and any desire to do better at this point is just a matter of funding hobbies and vices. I never had much int he way of professional goals, money's just a thing I get cause I need it. I always prioritized emotional goals growing up, and in taking the path to the opportunities I have I missed pretty much all of those goals. I've worked my ass off to develop into the sort of person who's just going to miss out on intimacy.

1
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
fixmeplz•

I think what gets a lot of us into a rut is trying to forecast what we want to be in the future and not what we want to be now. How can you best maximize your happiness now?

Lose yourself in your interests. I think the further you embed yourself in a community of your interests, the more you can start to feel a sense of "belonging" in society.

1
Wayte13OP•

I feel like losing myself in my interests is how I got into this mess. I'm a nerd, I like tabletop games and streamers and shit. Those communities are slim on romantic possibilities, and honestly I'm at a point where I resent most of my old hobbies anyways.

1
fixmeplz•

Damn lol. I just started getting into DnD and I think it's beyond helpful. I guess hobbies aren't useful if you're trying to define yourself as a normal person who gets laid easily. But like, why stop yourself from enjoying things just because there isn't a romantic end to them?

If you don't like your old hobbies, maybe now is the time to find new ones. Perhaps ones that feature more mixed demographics?

1
apotofsempervivum•

Also though, I don't think you should drop your old ones. Nerdy things that make you happy are still very important. Like you said, DND is my life.

1
basedmentalcel•

Memes are my life and I have had ridiculously complex conversations about philosophy memes with my friends. Without memes I would be incapable of making small talk that isn't about conspiracy theories. Hobbies can be helpful for socialising, even if they aren't attractive to women.

3
UnhappyAndAnxious•

I feel the same way, I hate myself and all of my interests. Try to find an athletic/sporty hobby perhaps. That will probably help you start to become the person you want to be perhaps.

1
RottenCactus•

Do you have an education? If not, I suggest you try to find a field of education you'd like (if possible) it's easier to form a social circle in a school of any kind. If going to a school is not possible, try to look for a part time job. Even there you'll meet plenty of people and you'll learn to be more social. Really, all you need is a reason to leave your apartment at least three times a week. Being a shut-in is the worst for people who want to leave your old situation. Was the reason a hobby, walking your dog, a job, volunteer work, whatever. Just get yourself out to the world. That's the first step.

1