A Glass Dragonfly
During this season's shopping
I came across a gift, I knew
was perfect for you
So I wrapped it neatly with
the nicest paper I could find
and topped it with a bow
I drove to your new home
surrounded by flowers
and fresh cut grass
Laid the present by your side
and wished you "Merry Christmas"
https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7lmled/what_a_fragile_snowbird_she_is/drotew2/
https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7ljy3g/these_flowers_are_realedited/drot7br/
Posted Dec 24, 2017, 4:32 AM UTC
12
A poem that's not about something sad! Welcoming. I think it lacks some cognitive movement though, a poem of steady light but the light isn't original enough. You can replace the gift with anything and not have to rework the poem in any way.
Some things you can think about: why is the dragonfly perfect for "you"? You can add something about flight here (albeit cliched). I think you should really characterize this work with imagery to have it stand out.
I think it's pretty sad... Working more imagery into it is a great idea.