Thank you. Very good point, it really helps to have someone else read it, I’ll add punctuation there.

Keep it real ✌🏼

You did a good job using descriptive language to set the tone of the poem. Using the human senses to describe the narrator's experience was a great technique which helps the reader sense the experience as well (ex. I could imagine mud squishing through my toes and the feel of breathing warm air).  

There does need to be some clarification in the second line (for me at least). Do you "taste the air you feel" or do you "feel the sun you breathe"? You can clarify by either inserting an "and" or using punctuation in the appropriate spot. I assume you are feeling the sun you breathe.

Good note, thanks! Hope you make it out to the woods ;)

It's short and sweet and powerful. It makes me nostalgic for a nature excursion, as I'm starved of all that mentioned in your poem. I don't see any purpose for the "And" in the first line, though. "My toes play in the creek bed; my eyes move through the trees" would be a little bitter, I think. Still, nice work!

My toes play
In the creek bed,
My eyes
Move through the trees

I can taste the air,
and feel the sun,

I breathe.









https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7q1kb0/comment/dsnhc61?st=JCE9SVIC&amp;sh=0bf7e61f

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7q9bj4/comment/dsngec3?st=JCE9YEL4&amp;sh=2f1575a6



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