I never feel the same way about anything, and it’s making me so depressed.
My emotions and feelings towards everything, from my parents, to my job, hobbies, life, myself, coworkers, people, movies, etc etc change, from day to day, hour to hour, even within literal minutes.
The more I analyze it and recognize the worse I feel. I can’t make plans with anyone anymore because I basically have to hope I feel like going when the time comes - and usually I don’t.
If my partner asks me what I want for dinner too early, like 2-3 hours before, I know I can’t tell him. Because I won’t want it in 2-3 hours. I asked my partner to get me Taco Bell once, and within the 30 minutes of him getting it I decided I didn’t want it anymore.
I can’t help it. My coworker doesn’t even bother listening to me when I tell him about what’s new in my life or what I think about things. He says “wait 5 minutes.” And he’s right. I don’t feel the same way in 5 minutes.
I’m considered a flake, inconsistent, unreliable, eccentric, passionate. But I’m passionate about things for max 2 weeks, maybe? When I see people I haven’t seen in a while they always say “how’s the bread making going?” and I look at them confused before I remember that “oh yeah, I was obsessed with that a month ago.”
I don’t feel like I can have a real life. I’m not a person. A person is supposed to have a consistent personality, and mine is changing essentially day to day. Friends told me in HS that they “never knew who they were going to get” that day.
I honestly can’t imagine living like this forever. I’m on two medications, and I’m in therapy, and I tell them these things, but it doesn’t help. How do you feel better with life when you can’t stand the fact that you have to go through it with yourself?
Posted Jan 23, 2018, 12:32 AM UTC
I relate with this on the same level. Its painful and it really sucks to know I'm constantly shifting by the minute, it's almost like I don't have my own personality, but I do-- It just shifts so widly that I feel like it's 'not me'. Then we continue on, get frustrated about how we can't be consistent with this and leads to me personally, questioning 'Just Who Am I? What's wrong with me? This isn't normal. But is normal bad?' I could go on but... It's hard to accept this constant change when the one previously may have been more comfortable and enjoyable. I don't have much of a solution, but I can say you are NOT alone. I guess, try and accept how things are day by day and don't get hung up on the nuances in between. Just go with it.
It is nice to know I’m not alone. I feel so isolated. I know a lot of people with ADHD but they seem to be functioning fine and have consistent personalities/hobbies.
Right?! It's so strange. Then again, there must be something right with us if there are people still around us who treat us equally regardless of day.
We might be outcasts, but hey, let's dominate anyways!