Source
r/OCPoetry•
SisterofLingy

Woman in a Snowstorm

Feedback Received!
She stands alone in a snowstorm.
Hours ago, the people of her town ran for cover,
but this is a woman who defies the norm.
She follows a feeling, the desire to discover.

The snow is vicious and swarms,
swirling around and above her.
Her hair lifts and spirals in free form.
Her arms rise; in the howling wind they hover.
Fear is absent, she feels only power.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7soh0y/do_all_poems_have_to_be_metaphorical_and_profound/dt6xc65/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7so7ns/cant_think_of_title/dt6xl95/

Posted Jan 24, 2018, 11:29 PM UTC · edited

39
fynn71•

I want to meet this woman! I love the way her spirit comes through. I found all the words that have an "-orm" sound intriguing (snowstorm, norm, swarms, form). My mind associated them with "warm" for some reason, which was a nice contrast to the cold in the poem. I found myself wanting to omit the "and" in second to last line. I think doing so helps rhythm.

2
SisterofLingyOP•

Thanks! I think you're onto something with removing that 'and'.

1
wpw34•

I really like the ability to flesh out this character in such a small timeframe. "But this is a woman who defies the norm/She follows a feeling, the desire to discover." I think are my two favorite lines. I would try to find a different word than vicious for snow, it's alright it just doesn't seem to mirror the way you describe the woman and I think the mirroring could help juxtapose and enhance both characters.

2
SisterofLingyOP•

Thank you for your feedback!

1
withteeth08•

This is interesting because there doesn't seem to be a hidden message. At the same time, I feel it could be more interesting if there were a bit of a message or significance. Thanks for sharing!

1
SisterofLingyOP•

It's based on a work of art I saw on r/POETRYPrompts , here's the link to it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/POETRYPrompts/comments/7sizm3/write_a_poem_using_this_painting/?ref=share&ref_source=link

1
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1
WhitePigment•

I like the imagery of this poem. It shows strength with fear is absent, arms raised. The idea of the snow and the people being the same, being vicious and swarming is a very clever metaphor. Also I like how the word warm is altered due to the coldness of the town and snow to swarms.

1
SisterofLingyOP•

Thank you!

1