Thanks! I didn't actually edit this before posting, and it was written fairly quickly, so its a happy accident if the first stanza scans. I’ll take your advice aswell. ~~Also, not related but Reddit messed up my formatting, it's supposed to look like [this](https://docs.google.com/document/d/10oowK3dXNJjQT0GNegxPN88L-i50QUSFy-SN7B-JxMg).~~ Link no longer needed. Thanks again!

No problem. By the way, I'd appreciate it if you told me what you think about my poem [Original Sin](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7woilv/original_sin/)

Hey I reformatted the post! Again, thanks for the feedback.

First off, I really like this. The title is exemplary, the subject is clear, and the writing is gorgeous. At the expense of everreacting to a short piece, the first few lines("Oh" to "magic") are poetic ecstasy in my opinion. I feel the flow sort of breaks apart after that, though. The final line of the first stanza is a bit too long to fit the gentle, flowing pace.

Moving on to the second stanza, I love the first line. It has a stress pattern that hits hard, but sounds soft(Stressed initial followed by Anapests). I also like the word choice throughout this stanza, but the syllable counts are way off. The first stanza can be read with a steadily bobbing head. Try that with the second and you get a concussion haha.

Finally, the last stanza hits home relatively well. It clearly establishes the purpose, and sounds good. I would experiment with different word choice in the second and last lines. Even without rhyme, you can achieve more harmony than "way" and "own". However, the significa

I really really like the repetition that you have I think it adds to the imagery a lot and kind of portrays the urgency of how badly the narrator wants a story. I feel like the last like kinda falls flat for me idk maybe find a way to make it more of a grand ending to go along with the rest of the poem? It really was good tho ahah just an idea 

In regard to TheRabbitIsMe's comments about the first stanza Thesaurus says TRAVEL and I believe that would work better. And not to be too presumptuous but what do you think about traversing a lost lands ruins? Keep up the good work. 

Oh, won’t you weave me a tale,  
from the spinning wheel of fantasy,  
A tale of valour and volition,  
A tale of bravery and boldness,  
A tale of space,  
A tale of dragons,  
A tale of magic,  
A tale of a journey.

&amp;nbsp;

Oh, won’t you weave me a tale,  
a tapestry of words?  
A tale of quaint little villages  
bathed in the setting sun,  
A tale of rolling hills,  
A tale of green grass,  
A tale of great lumbering beasts  
traversing the ruins of a lost land.  

&amp;nbsp;

Oh, won’t you paint a world with words,  
in your own artistic way?  
A story paints a million pictures,  
so why not write your own?  


[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7wr1yt/comment/du2tv0b?st=JDIS4HOY&amp;sh=ae5f4bc6)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7wrrfu/comment/du2trzk)

The Spinning Wheel of Fantasy