Thanks. I was torn over whether or not the choppiness worked, so I'm glad some people think it does.

I actually like the choppiness. It has a rugged, hmm..beat feel. Like a staccato inner monologue, blunt and honest.  I've never had banana wine, but the idea of it makes me want to vomit, ha!

The imagery and the consonance are very tactile and work well together. split, lip, crusted up, bit; a lot of 'p' and 'b' sounds that lend themselves to that staccato beat feel I mentioned earlier. Good job on pulling those out and highlighting them. 

Overall a very good piece, kudos. 

I love it! Maybe condense the lines? It could be less choppy.

Where. The frick. Can I. Get. Banana. Freaking. Wine. Lol. 

I enjoyed it! I liked the short lines and how they fit together. The one thing I might suggest is having two adjacent lines have the same amount of syllables, because that would make them 'fit together' that much more. It could improve the flow of some lines to their next corresponding lines.

I love the poem though, the flow was a little choppy but it’s good overall. 

Both disgusting and compelling. I cringed at the bits flaking off and gagged at the banana wine, but I really like the feel of the poem. The brevity of all the lines reminds me of someone shivering. 

Cold weather really is kind of a bastard for your lips, isn't it.

Man....who knew a poem about not using chapstick could be so powerful. The last line hit me kind of hard. As if chapped lips are a part of you now. 

I think some lines could be combined 

"When I drink banana wine

In a snowbank outside Denny's"

That is just how I read it in terms of flow.

But great job!

I liked the break before the last three lines. The first bit got me wondering how the person whom this was happening to would take it and then bam! The last three rugged lines made the choppy style work.

Jack Frost  
decked me  
split my lip  
it crusted up  
bits flake off  
in my mouth  
when I drink  
banana wine  
in a snowbank  
outside Denny’s  
at four a.m.  
&amp;nbsp;

and sometimes  
I dig my teeth in  
it feels right

----

* https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7yxfnm/three_dialogues_with_houseplants/dujxzzc/
* https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7ywko7/on_mountains/dujs1ad/

Chapstick Celibate