Stanzas 2 and 3 didn’t feel as great as they could because they are rhyming a plural with a singular. “thoughts” and “brought”, “minutes” and “within it”.

I was also think adding “a” to make it “With a broken, bloody nose” adds a good flow. 

My favorite are the vague ones, left open to interpretation, by whoever happens to read it, while still conveying a similar message, with slight differences 

Cool idea and execution, reminded me of something Charles Baudelaire would write. Only advice is to keep going!

This is my first real attempt at writing poetry (besides cliche crap in my early teens). I might add more to it, but wanted some feedback thus far.

I rip the hands from all the clocks,
Defacing all the minutes,
In blatant opposition,
To any life within it.

With broken, bloody nose,
Lying shattered on the floor,
Its organs bruised and failing,
How it turns forever more?

A rejection of its limbs,
No face can show its thoughts,
Transcendence from its mortal vessel,
no favor can be brought.


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/82q3zu/gone/?st=jeih35xs&amp;sh=f692b793

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/82m019/to_an_elusive_girl/?st=jeih3nhr&amp;sh=86b33a97

Clocks