The dream is dead,
and we're all dying.
Warm corpse walking,
Dead men talking.
Underneath the skin,
Skeletons smiling.
A lover imbibing,
Soul swimming in ether.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/83jui5/i_am_coming_back_for_you/dvil7r7/ https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/83jgcl/my_world_of_chaos/dvilhfh/
Posted Mar 12, 2018, 2:46 AM UTC · edited
Big fan of the idea of skeletons smiling beneath the skin, gives me the implication that they can't extend that smile externally. Also love the first line of the piece :)
Thanks :)
I love short but powerful poems. "The dream is dead, and we are dying." Very interesting statement and philosophy. When someone would ask me what would die first, a person, or their dreams, I would normally say the person... But this got me thinking quite a bit. Dreams can outlive us all, but can we outlive our Dreams? I think I need to start writing now. As others have said, I loved the imagery, I loved how it went deeper layer by layer each time. Down to the core.
I agree with u/sheepywashere. This is a great poem and it paints a very freaky but enticing image. Especially the line 'underneath the skin, skeletons smiling' it sent chills down my spine in a good way. But the ending of the poem threw me. 'A lover imbibing, soul swimming in ether' it just felt off for me.
The imagery here is wonderful, it evokes the feeling of futility from me. As if nothing we do matters, like, we are already dead philosophically speaking, that is quite deep for such a short poem.
I'm not too sure I understand the imagery here. The rest of your poem seems very much like a minor existential crisis. I am not sure how lovers imbibing matches with that theme which takes away from the overall impact.
edited. Thank you for your feedback. I only changed it a little, but I like it better. Thanks again!