Thank you so much for your feedback - I was not expecting such a positive response at all! Yes, please do come back if you can think of anything 😊

I love this. There's a madness here; it aches and roils. Its twisted and beautiful, and I really needed to read it. Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry I don't have anything else in the way of a critique. struggling to see any changes that might benefit this piece right now, but I'll get back to you if I think of anything. Thanks again for sharing. Great work.

Much appreciation for the feedback 🤗 and I get what you mean about the capitalisation, thank you for drawing my attention to it - I do think I might change a few letters to lowercase to more deliberately direct flow 👍🏼

Hey, I really like the imagery of this poem, the repetition of words and images (Day to night,/Day to night) is really effective in creating a coherent whole. My only critique is relatively personal, but I find that capitalizing the first word of each line disrupts the flow of the poem. It makes me want to read each line as its own separate unit, rather than reading through them which makes the pace feel a bit choppy. I know this is a stylistic choice, and not an uncommon one, but it's just my personal opinion  

This is really well written. The imagery is the strong part here. The comparison of the eyes with a shallow well really works. However, i feel that's the only thing in this short poem that actually you remember. The rest kind of feels like fluff. Either improve the rest or add more constructive lines

My eyes are hollow.  
Hollow like a deep empty well  
where dank moss festers in cracks,  
cold damp in the rough stone.  
This tunnel is vertical.  
Day to night,  
day to night,  
The world passes overhead and   
my neck aches, gaze cast up.  
My gaze is hollow.  
Hollow. Like a deep empty well  
where dank moss festers it Cracks   
Cold, damp in the rough stone  
This tunnel is vertical  
night. to day  
Night to day,  
The world passes overhead and   
My neck. aches. eyes cast up  


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/83hd0m/enter_the_weekend/dvkjqjk/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/83obkz/pity/dvkiyim/

Sometimes