Source
r/OCPoetry•
_A_Shitty_Poet_

Darkness (took forever to figure out format RIP)

Feedback Received!

Darkness surrounds me
I want to scream and shout
I want to plead for help
But i know i could never do that

Oh how i want the light to come
Oh how i want to escape
But i know i could never do that

For once i want to be myself
But i know i could never do that

Darkness surrounds me

  https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/842ylv/and_now_we_go_live/dvmx2ef/?context=0   https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/844iyj/they_lie/dvmwlt0/?context=0   Edit: surrounds not surronds (rip)

Posted Mar 13, 2018, 5:09 PM UTC · edited

66
_A_Shitty_Poet_OP•

Sorry if it looks weird, im really stupid and could not figure out the format

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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Towelie710•

Besides for "surrond” (lol I'm giving you shit I know you meant to say “surround” :D) no but real talk this is a GREAT fucking poem, idk I just really like it it's resonating with me. It feels like it's coming from plain old raw emotion, I actually feel what you’re saying. It really sucks when all you want to do is be you...and you just can't. Almost like being trapped, you might technically be “free”, but mentally you feel like a slave :( I hope the darkness passes and you can find that light, I believe in you! Great poem dood short n simple, love it!

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_A_Shitty_Poet_OP•

Thanks! And yea I had a bit of a brain fart at Surrond, lol

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ethereal_trespasser•

I can really relate to it. Asking for help is really hard. You're a perfectionist aren't you. I'm too so I know all too well how it feels. You should try making the poem more symbolic or make it more metaphorical. I mean convey what you're trying to indirectly in a subtle way. Yeah the rest is fine

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AntSized•

I really like this poem. It's short and simple. But maybe it's too plain... If I were you, I would throw in a metaphor here and there... of course a bad execution of metaphor can ruin the whole poem, and it would make your poem a bit longer, but I think it's worth a shot. Anyways, as I said. Great work, keep it going <3

1