Clever idea, and the execution is good too (albeit a lil' sloppy with the pen). No real critiques, this has a rawness that I wouldn't want to sand down.

Some notes:

* I am worried this does not do enough with the source material. It's usually easy to tell what the original text is and the erasure does not deviate too wildly from it.
* The aesthetics need work. The scratchy lines are visually unpleasant (and not in a way that comes off as raw or gritty or something, but more in a rushed way). The visual aspect is a good part of the potential of a blackout piece (cf. http://www.tomphillips.co.uk/humument/slideshow/201-250/item/6069-page-202 as an example).
* Perhaps because of how much of the source is left, the changes are a little transparent and procedural in many cases (remove a negation, qualifier, abridge a clause). 

I agree with /u/colorblooms.

I really love the idea of this, taking criticism and turning it into the work. I think that is a powerful and relatable metaphor on many levels. The problem for me is that you seem to have taken criticism and turned it into criticism. There are some surreal bits, like

> There's a super  
> sphere, even some hints  
> the cauldron  
> is infinite.  

Which are interesting. And I think it's interesting because the criticism is totally transformed into something else— something otherworldly, even. But moments like:

> I think there's a better way to establish the  
> a jog. "on my evening jog" sounds a  
> bit too plain it could be worked in like "as I jog  
> past" something. Because if you were on a jog, you  
> would say "I'm on a jog" y'know? 'man'

Seem to be regular criticism transformed into regular criticism with bad grammar.

Overall I like the idea, and there are places where the execution really works for me. Hope something I said helps— thanks fo

This is well done but also raw as Greenhouse Gangster said. I like the element of the sloppy pen strokes, which I believe help create a erratic atmosphere. Your style of blackout gives the commentors a disconnected delusional voice. Thanks for sharing I will check out the poems you used to make this one!

Comments on several of my other poems, all of them still in my post history

[Poems](https://imgur.com/a/bTNNO)  

Feedback:  
[“And Now, We Go Live” by midnightmoonlight180](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/842ylv/and_now_we_go_live/dvn5tno/?context=0)  

[“Dead but Still Suffering” by ethereal_trespasser](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8479ml/dead_but_still_suffering/dvnpyw0/)  




I don't know how to handle criticism, so I made blackout poetry instead