This is a very nice piece. The imagery is all there and it wastes no time establishing the ominous and tragic mood that the poem needs. However, the main problem I have with the piece is the power behind it, or lack thereof. As I said, the imagery sets this up nicely. But then the souls are introduced briefly with spinets of backstory. It would work fine as a prologue to a larger poem, but it falls flat as the emotional centerpiece. You could probably make a far bigger poem with them, or at the very least give each character their own stanza. This poem is a good start, and i think it could become great by expanding upon it.

Okay I'll work on it and let you know soon

I agree with u/paul_brennans_ghost. The poem sets off very nicely but the ending was kind of anticlimactic. The character introductions didn't quite live up to the rest of the poem. I honestly feel I would have been left better off wanting more.

They lie in wait

For their promises to be fulfilled

Five unfortunate souls

Denied peace in the afterlife

Banished from death

Betrayed in life

Lingering in between the planes

Stuck in limbo

Like wind-whipped flames

Refusing to burn out

Who will grant them relief?

I wish I knew


One lover

Whose beloved never came back

One mother

Who died all alone in her shack

One brother

Killed by his own blood for power

And

One friend

Who was forgotten by his comrades


They lie in wait

Who will grant them relief?

I hope I knew 


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/844z9d/my_shirt_is_one_size_too_large/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/845ts1/darkness_took_forever_to_figure_out_format_rip/


Dead but Still Suffering