I am a symbol
Adult children and their alcohol trophies
what jokes, what fears, I don't know what they mean
in just a few years they'll grow up within a landfill
revealed as garbage, but yet once a symbol of something,
something meanful to someone. Who that one was is
not important.
The bottle stands alone apart from it's discarded brothers.
Where have they gone? Have they abandoned me?
Are they together without me? Taking praise from passerbys
of a dirty ratty old apartment? Without me?
I was once there with them. I was once a person, I think.
My beautiful curves and attributes. I'm special, I'm alone in a wonderful
way, but whats around speaks other words. I see myself a hundred times.
I see myself a thousands times on and on.
It starts to eat at me. Taking away from my very self. I'm not
alone. I'm together with millions and it kills me. I'm not alive.
I'm not special. I'm just a symbol of an older child's false pride.
A king, a queen. Really just a princess or prince, but they don't know it.
Not yet.
They take themselves as special, but I'm better then that. Right?
I'm better then they who display me as an achievement.
Those who take me down years later?
I'm here to stand by myself with my brothers to show my acomplishment.
Our accomplishment.
We together are a symbol.
Posted Mar 23, 2018, 5:15 PM UTC · edited
This poem brings to my mind the importance of recycling. If we're mindful in our lives, our time never needs to be wasted. If we think back on a time that we thought was wasted, and learn something from it, that's recycling. For constructive criticism, I didn't like the flow of "dirty ratty old apartment", I think the image could've been stronger. I also think that the third stanza is very moving, and that the final line of that section could hit a little harder after "I'm alone in a wonderful/way". That is a beautiful turn of phrase.
Thank you...
I actually wrote this 5 years ago, it just popped up on facebook past and since it was a "Note" it couldn't be shared because they don't support those anymore, but I felt I needed to post it somewhere to be archived.
So I posted it here. For poetry I've always been terrible at reading it, like being able to analyze it in any meaningful way. Other arts like painting or photography or color editing or music, I can usually pickup very easily on whats "wrong" and what's "right". What feels a certain way and what breaks it. Lately I've sort of forced myself into sticking with improvisation only to sort of pressurize and draft my need for creating something more.
But having read your feedback, I actually felt some of the things you mentioned. Thank you.
I really appreciate it.
The flow I would agree, should be dirty old apartment, if I were to change it. For the "I see myself a thousands times on and on" I would take my accidental typo and play on it, changing it to "I see myself a thousands time on and on" just to abstract it and play on error.
Either way I don't plan on making any changes. It is what it is. Any changes would just make a new one and I wouldn't want two so similar.
I might actually try writing some new material.
Thank you, I really appreciate your words.