Thanks for the heads-up on the typo. I'm glad that you felt "calm". I would call it "the center". Even when nature is harsh, she always has a center of balance.

You might want to check your typo with the 2 its in the final stanza. 

The poem is nice, I like the way you explain the exposure, the fact that the narrator is finding warmth even while exposed to the harsh conditions. It makes it calming for me. The simplicity of the actions works well too ie : whips, cuts, due to them being simple but having a strong impression of the moment to the narrator. Thanks for this, definetly a good poem.

I disagree the poem to me is about feeling human. Maybe my mind is too much on the future (AI, metal sky cities, etc) but that's what I portrayed the poem as. 

We are all becoming mini-robots day by day. We are all relatively superhuman simply because of the amount of information at our fingertips.

edit: Let me explain since someone told me they don't understand how I see that.

"if I were standing on steel and concrete and glass  
I might feel lost in this moment  

as it is, with my boots in the dirt,  
I am whole"

This part here. The world will get to a point where it is so polluted and looking like something out of Bladerunner. Smoky skies, metal floors, no sunlight to brighten the day. But "as it is" now that is not the case. It's stopping to smell the roses and appreciate the preciousness of our world "with my boots in the dirt" we feel whole.


Thanks again!

1) We are all just  manifestations of awareness looking out of windows of awareness. Sometimes two might stand together at the same window and sometimes a window might stand empty, it's all the same in the end. I will re-examine the explanatory language, though. That kind of writing doesn't lend itself to "few words; many meanings"

2) Think of the taste of a greenhouse tomato in May as compared to a sun-ripened tomato in July. Exposure makes the thing grow whole. I feel like getting too far into that in the text is going right in the explanatory direction that you are suggesting I avoid. Said another way, the wind scars are what gives the thing it's character. A rock formation is beautiful because the "unnecessary" parts eroded. In a way, it's getting at your theme of "uniqueness". 

No problem!  

Allow me to address some of your concerns below, and elaborate on some of the feedback: 

1) "I would never consider that my personal perspective is a unique one, it just is one."

But, your personal perspective is unique. No one else in the world sees this theme quite like you. No one has lived your exact experiences. No one has your subjectivity or imagination. Relying on explanation takes this uniqueness out of the equation.

2) "I'm exposed/I am whole" are sort of the heart of it for me."

 I love this dichotomy! Perhaps what you can do is keep that language in tact, but define it with more imagery? 

As a reader, I'm not sure I quite get the relationship between exposure and wholeness in this draft. 

~~

Hope this helps clear up some of my thoughts on your poem. If you like it as is, then feel free to disregard these comments.

Thanks for the feedback. I will consider those things, especially the line "I might feel lost.....", that one needs revision for sure.  A central theme of this piece for me is: "I am you and we are nature", and that's about how things are, not how they might be, but also why "I'm exposed/I am whole" are sort of the heart of it for me. I will consider your point about hiding behind the veil, or "keeping the magic", but at first glance what you're saying doesn't feel right to me. I don't want my poetry to keep any secrets, if you know what I'm saying. I would never consider that my personal perspective is a unique one, it just is one. 

I love the emotion in this poem. We've all been in a position where we encounter someone who makes us feel vulnerable or, as you say, "exposed," "cut right through...[to] flesh and bones." 

However, this poem feels underdeveloped to me, and at times relies on explanation rather than imagery. For me, this kind of deflates the emotion of the poem. 

When you write lines like "I'm exposed," "I am whole," or "I might feel lost in this moment" it feels like you're revealing the trick behind your magic-- something I feel a poet (like any good magician) should try not to do. 

As you revise, I would recommend removing these tells and replacing them with imagery that intimates these ideas without explaining them to the audience. 

Let me know how it goes. You've got some great imagery already-- let's build on it! :)

    sunlight invites me outside  
    but when I go to meet him  
    the wind whips my skin  

    I'm exposed  

    while the sun fills my soul  
    and the cold cuts right through  
    all my clothes and my flesh to my bones  

    if I were standing on steel and concrete and glass  
    I might feel lost in this moment  

    as it is, with my boots in the dirt,  
    I am whole



1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/86mcgs/i_am_a_symbol/dw6a048/

2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/86it9u/lost/dw6an9l/

edit: typo

growing season