Hey Reddit, I'm 21 and have never been laid, whats wrong with me?
Posted Mar 23, 2009, 6:11 PM UTC
24189
Hey nerd, get the fuck off reddit, and go find some fuckin sluts, instead of staying at home all day watching reruns of whos the boss and jerkin yer gerkin over alysia milano. Dumbass. And lose some weight while you're at it, fatty. Girls don't like to have sex with the second coming of Jabba the Hutt, unless its your mom, but she only likes the freaky stuff so its moot. Oh and another thing, why don't you take off that weaboo Evangelion t-shirt for once, and wear some clothes that don't look like you just got off the banana boat from Faggot Island. Geekass bitch. Also, try shaving more than once per month, and while youre at it, your pubes too. Girls don't like to feel like Sonic The Hedgehog is eating them out when you're screwing.
Last but not least: treat girls like shit and they will like you.
And when ur layin the hottest chicks, don't forget to thank your good old buddy, Michael__Scott. Peace.
49
And be sure you FUCK EM IN THE ASS
69
Whoa spring break... Or something?
8
I don't usually comment on how hard I laugh... but you got me this time.
L...O...L
1
That is the first time I've seen you live up to your name.
1
"Oh and another thing, why don't you take off that weaboo Evangelion t-shirt for once, and wear some clothes that don't look like you just got off the banana boat from Faggot Island"
HAHAHA Fucking awesome
16
LOL! That guy called that one guy GAY! BUT, he didn't just say "You're GAY," instead he called him GAY using a bizarre vaguely xenophobic simile involving a hypothetical island filled with GAY people!
26
You have good analytical skills. Join the CIA.
14
FIVE WEEKS PAID VACATION AND A 401K
2
[deleted]
1
Says the guy with two first names.
4
Tony Danza BITCH!
2
You forgot to, Thrust
-9
Yup so this is how it is: I've never really had a girlfriend and every time i've asked them out I've fallen over myself to the point where they just loose interest or I don't do the right thing. I fuck up a fair bit too, i can't ever remember to ask for a number if they are into me and after it's too late im stuck thinking to myself "ohhhh shit" after i realize that was a perfect opportunity. I'm just too shy or too slow to get anywhere with a girl. I am slowly losing my mind although I'm just getting sick of being lonely all the time... it's constantly on my mind.
I don't really have anyone to talk to this about, so I'm asking for your advice reddit.
30
A few things (if I may):
You're putting the pussy on a pedestal. The fact that you think there's something wrong with you because you're 21 and haven't had sex is what's wrong with you. Lots of people are 21 and haven't had sex. You are probably trying way too hard or have given up (not giving girls your number) because you've been spurned/hurt before.
You'll get sex eventually (unless you die first). First, think of why you want sex. Is it just because your penis is like "oh oh oh, I want some sex!"? Then jerk it (a lot).
Once you know why you want sex, then just be yourself and live your life. Eventually a woman (or sometimes a man, or 2 women, or a duck) will come along and you will have sex and be satisfied.
If you're really super-concerned about sex, just get a prostitute so you can get it out of the way, otherwise you're going to trip over it on your quest for a relationship/romance/sexy-time.
tl;dr - relax and be patient.
43
Or a fleshlight
http://racy.com/pink-lady.html
They are quite nice and easy to clean. Of course, a girlfriend is better, but this is nice too.
I agree with barryicide. You should be friends with women. Do activities that you enjoy and strike up conversations. You are going to get with a woman that means something special to you (I'd hope). So join a club or meet new people. It will come. If you are looking for sex it won't...ever. You don't date a woman for sex, you date her for her personality, they way she makes you feel, her interest, hobbies.
When people get married it is because they truly value that person, not because of some sex thing (at least if you're not indoctrinated by some whoohaw church).
8
I don't know why you're getting down-voted... maybe because you said that a girlfriend is better than a fleshlight!
7
High fives barryicide
2
listen to this man.
3
Stop trying to get laid and start having fun!
42
When I was younger I was going to clubs & bars for the soul purpose of getting some drunk ass kinky-time.
But it always sucked, or was awkward or just made me fell like a shallow human being. So I started going clubbing for my own enjoyment, with bands, DJs and friends I really enjoyed listening to and being around.
I never met any love interests through that though, at least I'm having fun with likeminded people.
Anyway, somebody always comes along & knocks me off my socks in completely unexpected ways, so perhaps the moral of the story should just be "have friends, have fun and don't worry" ?
2
Thanks Mr. McPherson. While were at it maybe we can turn our frowns upside down? XD
0
You might be coming off as really desperate...that is like kryptonite to girls.
29
Well Kryptonite takes away all of supermans strength and he can barely move, sooo if being really desperate is a girls Kryptonite then I'm sure you could get laid, maybe not legally though.
15
I think for women, in terms of that, the mindset is that they don't want to have too much responsibility.
5
People that tell you to be yourself are tools, if being yourself worked you'd have gotten laid by now. You need to be your best self, and often that means becoming a better person.
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Girls don't like nice guys, but they like good guys. The difference is that good guys don't try and cater to ever demand of the woman, they have a backbone and their own opinion, they are not afraid to say no.
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They like the challenge. It's like a cat with a string, they love to grab for it but the minute you give it to them they become disinterested. You must constantly being pulling the string. A lot of good guys get unfairly named assholes by frustrated boys because they don't understand this principle. "If I was with her I'd treat her like a princess." And that's the reason they're not with her. Stop putting pussy on a pedestal.
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Realise your own self worth, if you feel you're not deserving of someone, then you're not. You are probably awesome for some reason, figure out what and why and believe it.
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Learn to overcome your fear of approaching, asking for that phone number, kissing, and initiating sex. Take it in baby steps, the only way to do these is to repeat it over and over again. One game I used to play with my friends was just to go up to random groups of people and introduce myself and give a random fact or say something strange and walk away. The fear never leaves but you learn to ignore it better. Once you can approach random people with ease then you move on to getting the phone number and so on.
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Getting the phone number, as a general rule, never give yours out. If you ask for hers and she refuses but offers to take yours instead there's a good chance she's just tolerating your company for the time being and is trying not to hurt your feelings. On the other hand, she might just be super cautious and after you've exhausted your attempts at getting hers, go ahead and give her yours but don't expect much.
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Watch for certain indications she's into you. A few things to look for are touching. Asking for your name (don't offer it up at first.) She leans in while you're talking (honestly how is a couple of inches going to help in a noisy bar?) Touching/stroking her hair or touches her lips while you have her attention. Feet are angled towards you (no matter where her body this is a subconscious thing most people do.)
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Also watch for certain indications she's not into you. Such as spacing out or ignoring you. Refuses to give you her number. Asks you to buy her drinks (most likely looking for a cheap night than anything.) Pulls away if you touch her. Doesn't help carry a conversation. Consistently flaky, if she does give you her phone number and you're constantly getting the voicemail or wishy washy about getting together for a date. If she screams at you to get the hell away from her.
29
actually, no. listen this man.
10
I'm fuckin taking notes over here. Thanks!
5
they just loose interest
That's the problem right there!
8
Good find. Now get back to work.
"they just lose interest"
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[deleted]
1
My thoughts as a nerdy science woman:
Dude, chill out. It all happens in good time. Good women like a man that can take care of himself and isn't trying to conform to their every whim. Try to just be yourself and talk about all the nerdy stuff you like. My fiance didn't get laid until he was 20. Now, he gets it at least daily. Yeah, waiting sucks, especially when everyone around is screwing, but the quality is so much better with a someone you connect with. The best sex is on top of calculus notes and Warhammer strategies. ;)
7
yes, you're too worked up about it, and coming off as desperate. kind of one of those "watched pot never boils" things. relax, make friends with girls. don't rush stuff. find the space in between "having a girls trust" and "stuck in the friend zone", and that's the point to attempt to make a move.
less intense thought = less creepy = more better.
6
I don't think too much, my problem is i usually don't think enough, as said, dozens of girls have walked away without me taking their number due to the fact i'm usually slightly flustered while talking to them and i only get my train of thought back once they leave. I dont think I come off as too desperate, maybe not even interested enough? I'm not sure, thanks for the tips guys!
2
too flustered, eh? well- and speaking as a girl- it sounds like you're too nervous. If you can't really speak or think clearly or normally with a girl, like you can when alone, then it sounds like it's nerves. I hate to reiterate the "pussy on a pedestal" thing, but... relax? I know that's probably easier said than done, but approach a girl as you would one of your guy friends, think of it as no big deal. You have to find a way to make yourself comfortable around girls, and then your thoughts can flow and maybe you'll be smoother.
Also, I must agree with what other users have said about how to treat girls. Girls aren't interested in guys who are obviously and overly interested in them. Why? Fuck if I know, it's how we're wired. You have to come off as your own person with your own interests that are important to you. Basically have an air of "I don't need you" and most girls just really go for that.
And lastly, and related to the previous point, is just go have fun, live your life. When a girl sees you having fun and living your own life, that's when they come to you.
2
Damn guys, you're really hitting it off with some good tips, I appreciate that!
1
An addendum to my previous advice:
If you want to have sex with girls - get a motorcycle.
Getting a motorcycle will do many things.
First, the things that will benefit you directly: taking a safe-riding course and then completing a driver's test to get your license will help you feel confident. Actually riding your motorcycle will make you more focused and better at analysis ("Is that car going to pull out in front of me?" translates to "Does this girl just want to talk to me for free drinks?"). You'll have more money to spend on yourself and girls because you'll save a ton on gas.
Secondly, motorcycling will get you more attention from girls. Walking around with your gear (you can lock most gear to your bike, but I still always wear my jacket - you can be less subtle and carry your helmet with you depending on where you are) will get you attention. When I was in college and took my motorcycle to class, I would get stopped 5 times on the way to class by girls asking "Oh, you ride a motorcycle?!" even when it was during one of the periods where I didn't shower for 2-weeks straight (I'm not lazy, I was just busy with work+school). Girls think motorcycles = cool + adventure + sexy. The only thing known to science to get a girl hornier than a motorcycle is chocolate.
Finally, once you start motorcycling, you'll realize that motorcycling is a pretty good substitute for sex anyways, so even if you don't get a girl, you still win!
4
i read somehwre that motorcyle riders have ot use their core muscles alot is this true?
1
Yes - you grip the tank/frame with your thighs, then use your hip and belly muscles to hold yourself up and move yourself around (which you do all the time; when turning, when going over bumps, when changing speed, etc).
2
You must do things to build up your self-confidence. When you accomplish your goals, you will be more appealing to a woman. I, for example, am writing a book for a lady I like. Let's hope she doesn't use it for kindling.
3
Building up self confidence = Working for promotion in job / learning to deal with difficult situation better / going white water rafting for a week.
Stalking = Writing obsessive novel for your beloved
45
No. That's not stalking, asshole. Stalking is what you do:
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Following somebody home.
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Hanging out in their backyard, watching them change their clothes.
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Calling them at 3:00 in the morning and breathing heavily into the receiver.
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Collecting their hair in a bag.
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Putting posters and pictures of said girl in question all over your wall.
Anyway, at least I have some sort of capacity for intellectualism. Unlike you, I don't think a box of chocolates and a blow job is romantic. So you can fuck off.
-13
Writing a book for a lady you like is not intellectualism, it is lack of other ways of getting attention.
I would freak out if a girl that liked me wrote me a book, and never talk to her again.
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[deleted]
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You should pre-screen that book on Reddit. It sounds like the worst plan ever.
Build your confidence in stuff you do. Only don't do stuff for someone you like to get their attention.
14
I am not going to 'pre-screen' anything in front of these judgmental pricks. I've written things for my friends before and they've liked them very much. I'm not a dweeb like most of the people on here. I can write and I can speak to a girl without stammering like an idiot. I don't need any advice from anybody here. All you egotistical males can do is bash what other people are doing, yet you're too lazy to do it yourself. (Not you specifically. I'm just making an address in general.) I have confidence and I get attention from women when I like. So I don't care about you what internet geeks think; especially if you're just going to be a bunch of big douches. You know you get laid quite often if you refrain from being a judgmental prick and stop trying to analyze everyone/everything like you know best. Again, this statement is not catered specifically toward you.
-5
Writing a book for someone you like, in my opinion, sounds like a horrible idea. Not because I think you are a horrible writer, or can't produce anything of quality, but because it is creating an imbalance.
With you having spent all that time doing something for her, she will most likely feel overwhelmed with the attention. It is a balancing act, and starting with little things is a much better way of starting a relationship.
It just seems like too much.
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I have confidence and I get attention from women when I like.
I'm extremely self-conscious. I never call anyone out for fear that I might be taking up their time or be bothering them. I must be coaxed into going anywhere or doing anything social.
Way to tell those dweebs what's up! Keep working on that novel...
7
Calm down, Jimmy. No one is saying you can't write, and that you aren't smart.
But seriously, you're writing this broad a book? Does she know? I wouldn't tell her it's for her specifically...
Edit: Also, you're the douche bag here.
2
Post that book onto Scribd for us, I'm sure it's a gem.
If someone ever did that for me I'd let everyone I know read it, make lots of fun and then make sure I never saw you again. The closest to that I've had is a girl get in touch a year or two after an english class saying she just re-read one of my essays and thought it was great. It was a class of 15 people and I didn't remember she was in it... We never spoke again.
4
Maybe Jimmy isn't trying to get laid by writing this book. I mean, I hope not. That's a shit long time and effort to hopefully get laid.
3
Nobody is writing anything for you. Do you beta-males not get this? Why are you creating hypothetical situations? If somebody did this for -- WELL, NOBODY IS DOING IT FOR YOU. Is it so hard to understand? Nobody cares enough about you to do it. And you're not me and you don't know anything about this woman. Yeah. Your broad generalizations don't apply to all women. She's an individual. She's different. She's not your submissive fantasy woman who won't give you the time of the day. Okay? Let's get that clear. Individuals have different tastes and personalities. Just get that through your head. I never said I was writing this for some random stranger.
-2
Well let me interject with some real experience. I had a guy who was the roommate of a guy I dated, who 4 months after I broke up with his roommate, find me on facebook and recount a dream he had about me.
It was not a dream, it was a fictional fantasy story he made up and added the lie about it being a dream so I would think it was all random. It was about me and him being alive after some apocalyptic catastrophe, and having to rely on each other and our newfound love to survive. Also, we were naked through most of it.
That was creepy. It was scary. I called my ex to let him know. He thought it was creepy. My friends thought it was creepy. It was fucking creepy.
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I don't want a fucking story written about me. Creep. You probably don't even know this girl, you just see her at the bus stop in the morning. You've given her a fictional name, for example, you probably call her Jane. Is that right Jimmy?
Fucking creep.
4
Guess who sucks!
2
why are you making your book out of twigs?
4
The best advice is just to say "fuck it" and try not to let it get to you. Thinking about it won't get you anywhere. If you get to a point where you don't care anymore things just tend to happen.
If you just want to get laid, I'd say that you need to make a conscious effort to do all the wrong things. Be an asshole. Don't call girls back or ask for their numbers. If they show interest, blow them off. It's counter-intuitive, but for some reason that works with many women. Unfortunately, it's the women you don't want to end up with that it works with. It's hard to do when you're sincerely a nice guy, but playing the asshole is usually very effective.
3
in the beginning, quantity > quality.
how many girls have you actually asked out on a date? are you even in the double digits?
the more you get shot down, the better you'll get at it. or, if you're like me, you just get better at figuring out which girls to ask out.
3
stop thinking about it.
Girls like humor and confidence. Be funny and sure of yourself always. Girls don't like awkwardness and self-consciousness.
2
Maybe there is nothing wrong with you but you are just trying with the wrong girls and for the wrong reasons? Is your problem being lonely or lack of sex? You're not being clear. If you're lonely then look for a woman you could start a relationship with, and likely it won't be the woman you think of as a 'perfect opportunity' after just barely meeting her.
2
Don't worry about it. Your probably becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. You have to figure out how to be yourself which I know is so much harder than it seems. But if you can be open minded and learn to get women to open up to you about who they are it'll happen. And once it happens the whole thing won't seem so big and will happen more frequently. And I know this isn't the most ethical advice but alcohol will make it 10 times easier. I'm not saying get her drunk but try to put yourself in situations where people are partying. By the way this advice is coming from a girl and in case you feel your really unattractive just remember that someone can seem that way at first and then become attractive once you get to know them. I've been with confident gorgeous men before, but I've had the best relationships (and sex for that matter) with nerdy awkward guys who actually had a personality. Plus babe, you read reddit so we know your cool. Use it. Good luck.
2
I was a virgin until 21.
Even when I had gotten into great shape, got a decent job, moved into a great apartment community with my brother, got my own car, I STILL couldn't hit it off with women for the life of me.
My advice? Read The Game by Neil Strauss. It sounds like the sleaziest book anyone could ever write and you'll probably roll your eyes into the back of your skull after reading about it on Amazon, but just read the fucking book anyways because of ALL the advice I've sought and dug through online, that one book was filled more solid advice about courting women than anything I've seen since. I mean, the book really opened my eyes as to how I've been presenting myself to women all those years and what I specifically needed to do to change my life.
After I read that I read through 3 other books along the same lines suggested by Neil Strauss and other characters in his book, started meeting a lot more women and as a result I've now been in a relationship with a cute redhead who regularly bakes me cookies.
This thread looks pretty long, so I don't know if you've recieved any satisfactory answers and as such am hesitant to post too much more. But as someone who's gone from your position to one quite a bit higher up, feel free to send questions my way. I'm no ladies man, I've never wanted to be, but I now feel like I got the hang of this whole girl/guy thing.
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[deleted]
1
Figure out what type of girl you think is sexy, and then figure out what type of man she thinks is sexy. Play to that type of man while keeping your own individuality.
1
When you find an interested girl, don't rush out and over whelm her. Don't call her over and over, and buy her gifts and shit like that.
Act like you get laid all the fucking time , call the girl up and say " Whats up this weekend? some friends and I are going out,they want to party, but if you want to do something I might put them off to hang out with you"
That way, if she says "no" or isn't interested, then you can play it off " well thats cool , if you ever want to hang out, give me a call, my friends are going to party at blah, you should come some time"
Never make her seem like she is your first option.
1
It sounds like you know what you do wrong already.
1
[deleted]
21
Wait wait wait wait. I think that you might be the best friend ever. Either that or you fell for the best con ever.
21
Thanks for putting into words what I was thinking after reading that.
2
Solid advice... can't find someboday to have sex with? Just find somebody to have sex with. Problem solved!
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[deleted]
10
No offense, but most girls aren't even 1/1000th as cool as you apparently are.
If they were, askreddit wouldn't be infested with threads like this.
7
Pam, I really, really need to have sex. What's your e-mail?
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[deleted]
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[deleted]
3
"took care of him" so you gave him pity sex? thats very nice you
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[deleted]
4
You're ugly.
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Redditors do not enjoy this truth.
12
He was talking to you specifically, Jimmy.
11
I think it's called the Etab syndrome.
11
You're a virgin? I didn't see that coming.
Edit: not sarcasm.
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Yep, I am. I've never been in a relationship or anything close to that, too.
And what would give you the idea I'm not? I mean, I have a lot of comment karma, which implies I spent a lot of time on Reddit.
7
I don't know, actually. I seem to have some vague memory of your name in a thread about this subject and getting the impression that you were older and less...virginy.
Not that it really matters to me, I don't think it's a big deal for anyone to be a virgin up to a certain point. My own boyfriend was a virgin til he was 23.
8
That's neat, and kind of reassuring in a hopeful way, I think.
3
I'm not quite sure I understand this, can you explain?
3
My username is Etab and I'm dealing with the same thing.
12
I propose Etab-Biological syndrome.
8
Perfect. It sounds more serious now.
Thousands of Redditors suffer from EBS.
7
The ailment you are currently suffering from is the belief that being 21 and a virgin somehow implies that something is wrong with you.
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or you are ugly as sin.
2
I'm also the same age and have the same problem...I don't have any advice but I guess it's good to know you're not alone in that aspect!
6
Hey, me too! We should start a club, although perhaps a support group would be more appropriate.
11
There is a club. It's called Warcraft.
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...and reddit apparently.
1
It makes me happy that I'm not the only, thats for sure. We should probably team up and get laid or something.
10
Yea right, thats all you guys need is more awkward virgins in your clan.
12
man it will either end up like a high school locker room or jihad heaven.
2
You would probably be surprised at how many 21 year old male virgins there really are. It's something most guys lie about, unless you are anonymous like on here.
3
it will solve your problems
1
$50 in the right (wrong?) neighborhood and you won't be a virgin anymore.
6
$40 tip?
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[deleted]
6
Are you religious?
3
You're over psyching yourself up. Just relax, be yourself, flirt a little to give a hint that you're interested. If they give you positive feedback, flirt a little more, but mostly just be yourself. If not, move on to someone else you find interesting.
Don't be afraid of failure. Just treat this like you would making a guy friend. If a guy isn't interested in being your friend, most of us just brush it off. Have the same mentality with women. Just be sure to be flirty while being their friend. You don't want to be regulated to the dreaded friend zone.
Mostly, just don't be afraid of being yourself. You can always relax, you never have to pretend to be someone you're not, and it makes you look more confident.
Lastly, don't worry about loosing it. If you keep talking to women, you'll get more confident with them. It will happen eventually.
5
Don't worry, you still have 19 years before it gets really pathetic.
In all honesty, it's not that big of a deal. That's about how long it took for me to hook up with girl. Just be yourself and don't try too hard. Sometimes, they are giving you clear signs and you either don't interpret it correctly, or you are too nervous to respond in the right way. Try to stay relaxed on dates. Do things that aren't high pressure (like dinner at a fancy restaurants). Going on a fun date can be the opening you need to make the move.
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[deleted]
4
I'm 19 and am probably less experienced with girls than the parent. Nothing's wrong with me.
5
2
Seen it. Thought it was stupid, if for no other reason than the pie chart for men is completely off for me, and I don't want any women to whom the woman's pie chart applies.
2
For me, I feel its very true. I would preach some of the same things (before I ever saw the website)
Women can have guy "friends" but the guys just think they have a chance of getting laid.
You have to get out of the friend barrier and learn to avoid it
1
I'm 19 and am probably less experienced with girls than the parent. Nothing's wrong with me.
I'm very very very happy to be reading this. I was beginning to think every 19 to 27 year old in the world thought that they were incredibly fucking loser-ific just because they didn't have much experience with the opposite sex. When really, it's just the society that we live in today, constantly telling us that something is wrong with us if we're not getting banged 24/7.
2
Well, to clarify, I am overweight and a bit anti-social. But that's more a product of my environment than anything else. As far as my personality goes, any girl who doesn't like it isn't worth my time. If I end up alone, so be it. I don't want to, but I'd rather be alone than with someone who bores me to death.
1
I'm more commenting on the fact that most people are so culled by their surrounding to be completely insecure if they don't live up to the standards set by everyone else. I really hate that. : /
1
Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?
2
so funny carrell
1
...maybe it's your major...
4
hey man, save some ellipses for the rest of us.
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...
1
Does the y-axis measure the % of virgins, or the % of non-virgins?
2
...if you must ask...
3
Well it's all over the spectrum... I find it hard to believe that comp sci students are getting significantly more poon than math/chem/bio students. There doesn't really seem to be a strong trend one way or the other.
So my question still stands.
2
I do. I was in science, not CS. A very different animal studies the hard sciences. And the art students are the giveaway. Would you rather hang out with a political scientist?
1
WTF is wrong with the government? We needs some high class legal whores STAT.
What is wrong with this whole vilification of sex, it RULES.
And its okay to fuck for fucks sake.
I for one think whores should be cheap, clean, and plentiful with some regulation.
We need to realize that some women like to fuck and would love to get paid to do something they love, it's not demeaning if they chose the profession goddamnit.
4
like in wild west westerns?
2
Something like that.
3
[deleted]
1
Nothing. Drop the lotion and the cum rag and go ask some girl or boy out.
4
Man, there's been a log of virgin angst on Reddit lately. Just take solace in the fact that even though it may not have happened for you yet, there's a decent chance it'll happen eventually. What you need to do is get out of the house and do things that interest you. That way you'll be around people with similar interests and the chances are greater that you'll find someone you're compatible with.
Either that or join some sort of free love cult. Do those still exist?
3
Nothing.
3
"your putting the pussy on a pedestal"
Women say they want a nice guy, but they really don't
You need to read http://www.laddertheory.com/
This could change how you look at women, for the better.
3
You were born a male, so you have to go get it; it doesn't come to you.
3
Live forever.
Curious. That you, cfab?
cool narwhal bro