Thanks for the tips! I think in another revision of this I added some more vivid words. I'm not sure though. 

I like the structure and theme you are trying to build, but I feel like the metaphors are lacking in imagery. For example, you say the roughness of the ground reminds you of life's hardships but the description feels hollow and makes it difficult to draw a line between the two. The same for the brisk wind air and coldness of many hearts in the second following lines.
Maybe you could try something like:

**When underneath the desert stars,**

**the breezes feel frigid.**

**The wind's icy whip burns**

**Like bitter words from frozen hearts.**

...or something like that. Hope this helps, good luck :)


When I post on mobile I use these // for stanza breaks :)

I tried to, but I'm on mobile and couldn't get it to work, it's supposed to break every 4 lines.

I think this would work better if you spilt it into stanzas or maybe you intended to. The "third stanza" has a line " danger is looming". I feel that this line breaks the consistency of sense feeling that follows each of "underneath the desert stars". Other than that I think your images are not entirely immersive and could be worked on a little. Good poem!

Thanks for the kind words! I took a trip to the Mojave desert and it's probably my favorite place I've ever been.

Very Enjoyable!  You took one instance, and added two different perspectives to it.  Glass half full/half empty.  Abrasion of the baron unforgiving Earth/soul pleasing nectar from Mother Natures loving kiss.  
&nbsp;

You tied it up very nicely.  I've moto camped out in the desserts of Arizona.  Quite peaceful and the night sky is just as clear as you tell.  Your poem has brought back so many memories with your visual artistry.  May your desert stars always provide you warmth at night.  Thank you for sharing.

When underneath the desert stars,

I feel the ground.

The roughness of the earth

Reminds me of the hardships of life. 

//

When underneath the desert stars,

The breeze is frigid.

The brisk wind in the air

Like the coldness of many hearts.  

//

When underneath the desert stars,

Danger is looming.

The threats of nature unpredictable

Like the heartaches of existence.  

//

Yet, when underneath the desert stars,

The sky is clear.

The full moon reminding me

Of how fulfilling life can be.  


Feedback [1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/86z2hd/love_is_an_addiction_so_is_pain/dwaky4k?utm_source=reddit-android) &amp; [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/86k7q6/shattered_porcelain/dw68g7n?utm_source=reddit-android)



The Desert Sky