Love it. 

Great line breaks, easy to scan, really felt you. 

I see what you're talking about so I switched the line breaks slightly to change the flow. 

I love the imagery in this, and the randomness of the first few lines really sets the busyness of environment. However, with the lines
"My shift was supposed to end
an hour ago"
I don't know if it was just me but 'end' stuck a bit and it threw the flow off for me. Great poem though! Loved it.

This poem is really easy to read, it really flows quite well, I like your use of language, especially the word "bleach"


I would love to see a little more at the end, even if it's just one line, to give more of a "so what?" to the poem. If you're not going for a so what then that's fine too. It doesn't need to be completely profound but I am sitting here wondering what the purpose of this poem is. I really liked it! Thanks for sharing!

Really enjoyed this for a few reasons. The synesthesia used to convey the waitress' experience and mood (from the sounds of clicking fingers and tapping feet to the visual glare across the room and the physical sensation of back-ache) was really enjoyable. Also, I don't know if this was intentional, but I liked the way that the end of her shift was marked by the contrast of an incomplete future action ("but after *that* last table // is wiped clean") and a completed one in the present - "*I* step outside into the cool foggy night // light a cigarette." I don't know if I'm articulating well what I mean but, for me, this shift gave a good sense of narrative and experience progressing, similar to how Yeats depicts the movement of a plane from below to within the clouds through simple use of prepositions in 'An Irish Airman Foresees His Death': "Somewhere among the clouds *above*" and later on "Drove to this tumult *in* the clouds".

I love how well this is written, it’s concise and also articulated perfectly to give a real sense of what you/servers experience. You really did a great job of providing mental imagery that allowed me to relate to your feelings of being overwhelmed yet satisfied at the end of the night. Great job!

I really liked the conciseness of this one. It felt down to earth and relatable. The satisfaction of getting off work was palpable.

a snap of the fingers  
a glare from across the room  
the tapping of a foot   
the clink of forks and plates  
and the buzz  
of happy conversation  
"my water glass is empty"   
feet that never stop moving   
on a night where the parking lot   
is overflowing    
my shift was supposed  
to end an hour ago   
I'm sorry that I let your water glass  
get empty.  
"I'll take that plate for you, sir"  
"What table is this going to?"   
until I think my spine   
might break    
from carrying tubs overflowing   
with plates of wasted food    
and half-full drinks   
but after that last table   
is wiped clean      
and the apron comes off   
I step outside into the cool foggy night    
light a cigarette   
with fingers that reek of bleach     
and in that moment   
I am happier, freer, and more  
gloriously exhausted   
than I have ever been.   

[x](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/88gpu2/despair/dwkk0e0)
[x](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/88g3pp/when_eggshells_turned_to_glass_a_ghazal/dwkjs9v)

Waitress on a Friday Night