Student finds cellphone, turns it into police. Arrested for "Theft by Finding".
dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/92661/Student-a...Posted Apr 2, 2009, 9:47 PM UTC
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dailyexpress.co.uk
I find this hard to believe to the point I am begining to question the credibility of the site. Is the daily express anything like the daily mail?
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Seriously...if you had the magical power to change a cellphone into people, why would you chooose people who could arrest you?
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Indeed. He should have turned it into Storm Troopers. Or a Founder.
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Less hate, but also less credibility. Example:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunday_Express_Dunblane_controversy
tl;dr version: they tried to make a scandal of the survivors of a elementary school shooting being normal teens when they grew up, 13 years later. This was just last month, you don't need to look hard with this paper.
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Full text (the express removed it from their website) : http://jammus.posterous.com/anniversary-shame-of-dunblane-survivors-full
It almost reads like a parody of the Express - the disapproval of youth culture, the interviews exclusively with older people, the derision of the working class... An utter masterpiece of right wing reactionary journalism. Bravo.
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the disapproval of youth culture, the interviews exclusively with older people, the derision of the working class...
Sadly, these are the stories Reddit loves now.
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It is governed by the same rules as tabloids. Silly sells.
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+1 to you
+10 to the interwebs
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The Express is arguably worse than the Mail, but far less people read it - most just see it as almost humourously ludicrous. It's largely just stories like "Paedophile asylum seekers in plot to rape Diana's corpse".
Millions of people actually take the Daily Mail seriously, which is far more worrying.
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I enjoyed their run (about a year or so) where every monday WITHOUT FAIL there was a Diana story. It was most surreal.
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They were criticized for running front-page Diana stories on the day every other paper used it's front page to mention the 1 year anniversary of the recent London bombings.
This has led to the nickname "The Daily Ex-Princess". If I were female I'd have Hislop's babies for that gem.
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Every Monday? It seemed like every day. Maybe I was just reading too many papers.
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The blue rinse fashion TV celeb watching people.
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From wikipedia:
The Daily Express is a conservative, British tabloid newspaper, it is a middle-market title.
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Ahem - the definitive on Brit newspapers is here:
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Yes,_Minister#Episode_Four:_A_Conflict_of_Interest
Ergo: The Express is not fit to be read.
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About the same. Amusingly, strongly opposes pornography while carrying ads for porn - primarily ads for the Daily Express' proprietor, Richard Desmond's, porn empire.
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The original story, which is the same as the daily express.
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Worse. Much worse. Their Sunday companion, The Sunday Express, recently did a lovely front page on the survivors of the Dunblane School massacre where they rifled through their facebook pages and found evidence of... shock horror, "drunken nights out".
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Yeah, it sounds phoney to me too.
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The Daily Express is much like the Mail, but slightly more xenophobic.
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"The World's Greatest Newspaper". Telling, I think.
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Thats nothing. Back where I was raised in Kerala, India, if an accident happened in front of you, you are supposed to run away from the place.
If you stop to help the victim, and bring them to the hospital, the hospital is required by law to notify the police. Then, the police will come and charge you for the crime. Lazy bastards find it easier to book you than go after the real perpetrators.
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That's why many cities in America have a "Good Samaritan" law that protects you from litigation when you attempt to help someone.
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What if you've just shot them?
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Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
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There is no "theft by finding" on the UK statute. Either they just fancied nicking a kid on his eighteenth birthday to be cunts, or there is more to this story than the express is saying. Either way, his DNA is now on file, for no reason at all.
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My friend's Dad is a doctor in the UK. He's advised by lawyers not to attempt to save somebody's life if he sees them hurt badly enough not to sign all kinds of paperwork giving their consent to treatment. If something goes wrong, he'll be held responsible.
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"Is there a doctor on the plane?"
"Yes, but you'll need to sign these forms first...".
"Surely you can't be serious?"
"I am, and don't call me Shirley".
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I thought there were "Good Samaritan" provisions in the UK for this kind of situation.
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When I took first aid training, they mentioned a case of a first aider being sued for giving someone CPR and accidentally cracking a rib in the process (the case was laughed out of court IIRC), and the keeping the certificate up-to-date apparently included an insurance policy against such things.
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Well, there goes the Hippocratic Oath in a wave of ass-covering.
What the lawyer is saying, is that if the doctor has a chance to not do his job and get away with it, then that is what he should do, because - hey - doing doctor things is really risky for your pocket. I'm disgusted. I'm sure Karma will be catching up with that lawyer in his BMW on a lonely country road one day.
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That lawyer is merely providing (what he thinks is) sound advice for his client. The lawyer probably knows of quite of few cases where someone did stop to help and was later sued for it. The lawyer's responsibility is to the client, not the guy dying in the street.
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I don't think you quite understand the term job in this context. He has no job outside the facility he works at. Perhaps a sense of morals, civic duty and honor would would force the doctor to act but that doesn't mean it's his job.
I'm sure Karma will be catching up with that lawyer in his BMW on a lonely country road one day.
Sure...
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That is truly screwed up, I suppose for a 'fee' the charges would be dropped.
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Probably to further encourage the unwillingness of different castes from helping each other. Dump them at the hospital and take a chance or participate in state-ordered manslaughter; pretty screwed up.
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yh man I know. From Mumbai and things have improved but these event do happen a lot still.
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This might be the original story (at least it was posted earlier, on April 1).
Is anyone certain this wasn't an April Fool's story?
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It probably is, this is the sort of thing the Daily Express would do, repeating an April Fools story unknowingly.
The scary part is that Reddit fell for it too, it's becoming as conservative as Digg.
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Forgive my ignorance, but where did you get the conservative part from?
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From wiki:
The Daily Express is a conservative, British tabloid newspaper
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Welp, case closed I guess!
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"...took a DNA sample."
That is all they really wanted. It was an opportunity to get another for their database.
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If not exactly how I think it went, he should be worried about that sample, and what resides inside the reports of the Police systems. Often something like that will lie dormant, and suddenly, BANG, you're hit by Police interest because you once were suspected of stealing a phone, or had your dna in the wrong DB.
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This is from the DailyExpress, WTF Reddit? This is worse than Digg!
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I told them, I told them, but they wouldn't listen, they started out with the Daily Mail, thought they could handle it, but before you knew they were into the Daily Express. Its just a messy downward spiral from here on in.
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yeah, I keep telling people The Daily Mail is a gateway newspaper, don't know why that shit's legal
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I've yet to see The Daily Sport. That day will come.
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England is hopeless and should be started over.
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350 years ago too - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oliver_Cromwell
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Who are you referring to? /genuine interest
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Most likely the USA.
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Ah! Those guys didn't do so bad. Reddit is American, isn't it :)
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Yeah,
That's why those USA citizens wait in lines to move to the UK... wait... forget it.
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There is a reset button just to the southeast of Eydon, England.
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Erm... Towcester?
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No - she's always looked like that.
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Oh that gag's going to translate so well...
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Just enter Eydon, England into Google Maps, then look at about 4:30 and you'll see it.
edit: 4:30 is SouthEast. Look to the SouthEast of Eydon, England. There's a Reset Button there.
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"Phoenix police raid home and confiscate computers of blogger whose writing is highly critical of them. "
Don't forget to start over your side of the water too.
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That's the part of the article that made me call BS on the story. Why the hell would police want a DNA sample? I could see them taking his fingerprints when they arrested him, but what use could they possibly have for his DNA?
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Are you seriously that ignorant? Haven't you read any of the stories about UK building a DNA database with over 7% of the population on file? The UK government's goal is having 100% of the (civilian) population's DNA profile on file, starting with young males and other undesirables.
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OK, I think the down-votes you're getting are a little bullyish, though perhaps you should've looked it up first.
(I'm assuming you're from the US) In the UK, there's a huge controversy over a DNA database - they sometimes talk about adding children, even, and anyone who gets arrested (or even walks into a police station, it seems) gets his/her DNA collected. I think the law enforcement is more vigilant about collecting DNA than they are about collecting finger prints.
This practice is frequently viewed as an invasion of privacy, and is often discussed alongside outrage at the prevalence of cctv in Britain.
I agree that, were this in the US, the collection of DNA would be quite out of the ordinary and silly, but it's not.
edit: last sentence
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I've noted this controversy, and am American myself. It was mostly reported early to mid last year in my circle of information though.
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Yes, but I still think the vast majority of USicans are probably ignorant of it.
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I'm going to say that it's still silly, even though it's outside the U.S. :P
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Haha - keep up, man. This is the UK in the 21st century. This is the Brave New World.
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Good Luck getting your DNA out of the system
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I'm pretty sure that was the only reason they arrested him. Perfect excuse to get another person's DNA on file.
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Pretty sure its near impossible to remove as well. Even when the EU court or some court(sorry for not knowing) told them if they weren't convicted they would have to remove their DNA from the database, they just said no.
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It's generally not a good idea to interact with a police officer unless you really really really have to, kind of like a mad dog. They are around for revenue generation first and helping people seventh.
He would have been better off telling them where to pick it up from him directly.
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I was trespassing in an old mill with two friends when we suddenly noticed the ceiling was glowing. We ran like hell out of there, and then realized that we had to report the fire and risk being prosecuted for and possibly found guilty of arson. We sucked it up and called. Since we had explored the place a few times, we were able to tell the firemen how to get in and where not to go.
In all the hubub, only one person played the hardass and tried to threaten us. We were held suspect for a few hours, then let go and thanked.
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How did the fire start?
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Arson.
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No, I meant....
It was you, wasn't it? 'Fess up now, I won't tell.
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No... see, we didn't start the fire. It was always burnin' since the world's been turnin'.
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You didn't have to.
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Sounds more like any excuse to build up that all important DNA database.
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No good deed goes unpunished.
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What the - oh, UK.
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Yeah, exactly. We are always allowing bullshit stories to be printed, that conveniently leave out some of the facts to spin the story in a new direction.
So, was this guy trying to blackmail the owner of the phone? Did he download all the contacts and pictures from it?
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Once again proving that you should never talk to police. EVER.
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Oh boy, let me know how that goes when your car gets stolen, and the police charge you with insurance fraud.
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And you never get your car back, to boot. Cops have no incentive to help you. Hell, they might just take it home if they do find it.
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ILLEGAL
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This is why I never do anything nice for anyone.
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Do unto others before they do unto you?
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Eye for an eye.
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Is that like trading marbles?
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For a blind man, yes.
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http://www.projectrho.com/rocket/rocket3aa.html#killingstar
The game plan is, in its simplest terms, the relativistic inverse to the golden rule: "Do unto the other fellow as he would do unto you and do it first."...
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really? that's too bad
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I've heard of turning a frog into a princess, but I never heard of turning a cellphone into police before...
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no good deed goes unpunished... incidentally, "theft by finding" is when you keep something for your personal use without intention of returning it to the owner... which is the opposite of what happened. so either the police didn't know the law, or something else is going on
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Chief Superintendent Ian Pilling said: “We are reviewing the circumstances of the arrest.”
Why doesn't the idiot just step up and apologise. Assuming this article is legit (given the standard of The Daily Express, who knows.) The police need to get their PR head out of their ass.
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In laymen's term: Fuck off were not doing shit about this.
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Yuppers, cover your own. That's the code.
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when you deal with the police you fall into one of two categories: suspects or law enforcement (victims are also part of the legal system). when he walked into the station he was automatically a suspect.
i find cellphones and cameras all the time when i ride the yellow cabs. if they left their contact info on the device i always contact the owners directly.
never involve the police unless you want to be classified in terms of "them" or "us".
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I think it's all a Monty Python sketch.
"I'd like to return this cell phone."
"Markenson's, two doors down, thank you."
"No, no. I didn't buy it, I found it."
"Best of luck getting a refund then, thank you. Good day."
"No, you don't seem to understand. I'm turning it in to you."
"If Markenson's won't give you a refund, why should we?"
"No! You're the police! I found this cell phone and I want to return it to its original owner."
"Oh, I see. Harry, have any of the boys reported a lost cell phone?"
"Don't think so, Grimm."
"Sorry, it's not ours. Perhaps someone at Markenson's lost it. Good day."
"Damn it all! I know who the owner is! I called them on this very phone! They're coming here
to collect it as we speak!"
"Why would they be coming here? We don't have it."
"Of course you don't, you git! I have it! It's right bleedin' here!"
(shows the officer the phone)
"So the owner of that phone..."
"Yes."
"is coming here..."
"Yes."
"to pick it up."
"Exactly!"
"And what, pray tell, are you doing with it?"
"I found it!!"
"Oh, did you?"
"Yes, I did."
"And how did you find it?"
"It was just laying there."
"Was it?"
"Yes."
"Alright, you're going to have to come with me, Mr. Findy Fingers."
"What for???"
"Are you or are you not the owner of that phone there in your hand?"
"I'm not!"
"So you admit it!"
"This is insane! I found it! It was just laying there!"
"That's what they all say. Come now, let's have a DNA sample."
"Oh, bollocks!"
"No, sir, we just swab your cheek. That's a good chap. Come along."
"This is ridiculous! I merely found this phone and turned it in out of a sense of civic duty! I
didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition!
(looks at door)
"I said, 'I didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition!'"
"Yes, we heard you, sir, didn't we, Harry?"
"Loud and clear, Grimm."
"But I thought..."
"Obviously."
"Then this isn't...?"
"Afraid not."
"I see."
"Quite."
"So you'll be wanting my DNA then?"
"There's a good chap. Has anyone ever told you you look like Michael Palin?"
"I get that a lot."
(The door opens. An Eric-Idle-looking fellow comes in.)
"Can I help you, sir?"
"Ah, yes, I'm here for a phone?"
"Markenson's, two doors down, thank you."
"Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense."
The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll look down and whisper "LOL."
Above me, this awful comments section, it screams like an abattoir full of retarded children.
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And they'll shout "Speak up!"
Rorschach was a psychopath. If you upvoted the above comment you fail at Watchmen and Life. Alan Moore also thinks you're retarded.
But St. Gulik's scritching and scrabbling could not be interpreted by the unhearing masses as the enlightening comment that it was; and so none were enlightened, and we were left alone with our race.
Hail Eris.
Rorschach was a psychopath with a few heroic qualities.
If Rorschach was a psychopath, why would he care about the murdered girl?
Alan Moore said the following. "Life isn’t divided into genres. It’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you're lucky." So I can't possibly have failed at all of those things. I agree that Rorchach was a psychopath. You think that you're being deep and intelligent when you're really just another fanboy asshole.
You, sir, are a king among men.
Or a Monty Python fan, anyway.
I never voted for him.
King.
so i'm supposed to accept you as my king and lord just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. all because some soggy dame chucked a peice of metal at your head?!
Bursts through the door late
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
No one at my work gets this. I hate them all.
You should prod them with "THE SOFT CUSHION!!!!"
If that fails you should fetch "THE COMFY CHAIR!"
You should just explain to them that the humour comes from the fact that the spanish inquisition was actually quite ruthless, but they're being presented as these corny buffoons who can't get their lines right, and the dischord this strikes up in the viewer is Really Quite Hilarious.
That'd probably help them understand how funny it is.
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” -- E. B. White
Take off your panties Sir William, I can not wait till lunchtime.
The explaination still did not make it any more humourous.
I am not amused.
same here. I even showed them and they said "uhh is this supposed to be funny?"
These are sad people who were never meant to understand comedy... let them watch "Friends" and lead their blind happy lives.
I hate them too. Philistines.
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You hate is justified.
<PhoenixTalion> Apparently some museum did a Salvador Dali exhibit a while back <PhoenixTalion> and after it was up for like, a month, it came out that half of the paintings were fakes! <BSoDomy> oh snap <PhoenixTalion> And at first I was all, damn. Shouldn't someone have caught on to that right away? <PhoenixTalion> Then I realized, it wasn't that big a surprise <PhoenixTalion> After all, <PhoenixTalion> NO ONE INSPECTS THE SPANISH EXPOSITION
I think you just gave me cancer
Ow.
I once did this to a roommate while he was having sex.
Our chief weapon is -- cor blimey, she's a goer!
[Fox News Throughout History [PIC]](http://punxter.com/pic/Fox_News_Throughout_History_(RVU)) (last one):
I read the whole thing as a conversation between John Cleese and Terry Gilliam. Made my lol.
I can't upvote you enough
I would have thought Cleese and Jones, not Gilliam.
No, no, Graham Chapman always played the straight man. He would be the cop, and Palin would be the exasperated guy trying to turn in the phone.
The way it usually worked on the show, the actual most likely combinations would probably be Chapman and Cleese or Palin and Jones. Out of those two I would choose Graham and John. And Chapman always the straight man? Palin was just as much a straight man.
I think that the citizen is the straight man here, and the cop is the source of the comedy...in any case, Palin could have played the cop effectively - did you ever see Brazil?
I think Cleese, Palin, or Chapman could have handled either role, Idle could only be the citizen, and Jones could only be the cop. Gilliam doesn't figure into this discussion at all.
Which is ironic, since he was proudly gay man, as wikipedia puts it.
To be fair, I don't actually know who's who of the python crowd except for cleese.
So err... Cleese and one of the other python characters.
Terry Gilliam didn't appear as a main character that often, he mainly was responsible for the animations. His most prominent role probably was the jailer in Life of Brian.
So did I! :D
It was Graham Chapman and Michael Palin for me
Nah, Cleese is a necessity in this sort of sketch.
I agree. For me, it would have to be:
Grimm: Cleese
Harry: Chapman
Finder: Palin
Owner: Idle
Terry Gilliam?
"BEANS!"
This made me notice the drawbacks of a simple up/down voting system.
Stadiums full of applause to you, human.
That's verbatim, unscripted and taken directly from the CCTV in Notlobs's nick.
You had me at, "Mr. Findy Fingers".
i can finally say "EPIC" once again.
In one fuckin' comment, you get more comment karma than I've accumulated in a year.
And you deserve it.
I will often vote down comments with massive karma, just to keep the universe in balance. But this time... I just can't bring myself to do it.
Tall Poppy Syndrome (wiki)
wow, they've got a syndrome for everything! Do they have meds for this?
so YOU'RE the asshole! HANG HIM!
What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?
Now this needs to be filmed and put on youtube.
Great stuff!
So I upvoted you. If we upvote you enough, will you write more of those sketches ?
Oh, heavens no. I'm taking all my karma and retiring to a sleepy little village in Belize or Costa Rica.
Now when somebody asks me why Reddit is better than Digg, I'll link them to this comment.
If they honestly think Digg is better, they most likely won't get this. 90% of the people who I mention Monty Python to only know of "The Holy Grail" and that's about it (maybe MAYBE The Life of Bryan), and they think the TV show is weird, boring, and their "Australian" (holy shit people) accent is hard to understand... sigh, Americans.
This comment alone is worth nearly a fifth of your 5600 odd karma.
Its obvious why
The realization that this is not a Python sketch was a bit of brilliance. Thanks for that.
I will pass this down to future generations.
Oh my ... significant deity of my choice, this is simply unbelievable. Now I know why the guy that submitted your comment said he can't upvote you enough. Brilliant.
To make this poor student feel a little better about the stupidity he had to endure, someone should send him this sketch. Well done.
Finding true beauty can also be arresting. :P
The policeman is Cleese and palin is the guy returning the phone. Like the argument sketch.
thank God for Monty Python. What a depressing world we would live in without their massive amount of brilliant work.
douglas? is that you? so glad to have you back with us. how is it on the other side? still an atheist? did you hear what we do every may 25th? i think mos def was a pretty decent ford. please, keep writing.
The single best piece of text anywhere on the internet, ever.
And you try and tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you.
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My word, that was perfect. My brain even imparted voices on the characters. Graham Chapman was they chap with the phone, Eric Idle as Grimm and Michael Palin as Harry, right?
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This is a cheese shop?
Someone email this to Cleese and Palin, if they get a troupe together to perform this I will die maturbating.
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well done.
very, very well done, sir. cheers.
Haha I thought the do-gooder was John Cleese
You should send this to the arresting officers/department ;-)
i've never seen this much karma for one comment!
Our comments can't repel karma of that magnitude!
Wait, that's Star Wars, not Monty Python. Nevermind.
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This was hilarious. Amazing, cannot up vote enough :D
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Bravo sir, bravo.
Perfectly captured the style of the pythons.
I reckon Cleese would have been the desk sergeant, Gilliam would have been Grimm, Palin the exasperated chap and Jones as the chap who wants his phone back. Just my little tuppence-worth :-)
I could imagine John Cleese playing a kickass difficult constable.
3497 points
hahaha!
Well played sir, well played.
Which Monty are you?
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quite possibly the funnest thing I've read all day
Very nice. I applaud you sir.
Thanks for this! :)
bravo!
I second that.
Marvelous, simply marvelous. Made my day. Thank you.
Beauty!
Well played, hahaha
THE SPANISH INQUISITION?!?!?!?!
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I did not want to like this, because I don't really like Monty Python and figured it would be stupid. But I LOL'd a few times so I must give you my upvote and my respect.
fantastic!
Reddit has made my day three times within ten mins. This is turning out to be a good day. Oh crap, I should not have said that......
I guess the downvoting is to balance out the karma baiting?
Wow, that was remarkably meta.
um.. wow?
I logged in with both my accounts to upvote. thanks for the lulz.
Almost perfect - except for...
[At that moment a brigade of Monsignors chorus line their way into the room to carry out the Spanish Inquisition.]
I'll be kind and explain why you are being downvoted:
Um,no...he hoped it was a MP sketch, but unfortunately he was trapped in real life. Got it?
You are too kind.
nah, sorry, monty python was better. no offense meant, though. i've just seen the flying circus on dvd and it's a thing from another universe.