Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it. This really made my evening :)

this made me think of places I have not seen in a long time. I honestly cannot offer much critique here, I think this is a beautifully constructed poem. thank you for sharing.

Ahh thank you!! I'm sorry, sometimes I'm a bit ditzy, and three cups of tea in an hour hasn't helped ;) 

I am so sorry but I don't know what you mean by mf! Do you like it? :)

Ill frickin turn up my screen brightness aaand screenshot it again ;)

This is great. I run a small lit press called Bread & Circuses and we would like to run this piece. DM me if interested! 

The second half of this piece is excellent. That feeling of digging up old bones and exploring past dead end signs and commas is a fascinating topic, simply because you work on the "what could have been" by presenting very stark images side-by-side and without much room to think on these images until the poem ends.

Really nice piece!  

I would consider adding a couple of line breaks for the first and fourth lines, as they get a little wordy and obtrusive. I might also put a stanza break after "last week," as there seems to be a natural turn which could be accentuated a bit.  

Also, in the last line I think it should be "lie." I would also take out the word "simply" as it doesn't do anything for the piece, other than add an unnecessary iamb.  

Overall, this piece has some really great imagery -- particularly "the dog tried to herd the ghosts of cows." That's a great line. I would expand on the "she," as the piece feels a bit vague. The tone is fantastic. Good job!

Love the last two lines. Overall I find that there is a lot of mystery in this poem. Was this an experience in your life? An old lady who made you feel energetic?   



Critique: The first line drops a bit for me with 'venture forth' I get the idea but I feel like it could be shorter or broken in two lines.  



Overall, I like it, nice mystery.


Interesting use of redundancy to hammer in meaning. Great piece, a couple semicolons are more grammatically correct here but otherwise very nice.

she told me, eyes bright, she was ready to see what could venture forth

from scorched earth she'd trusted all her life

watered by the firemen she'd taught in school

she told me the dog tried to herd the ghosts of cows again last week

all I know is since Wallace Farm, I've ended sentences

with commas

and written letters to old friends

and wondered if beyond "Dead End" signs

lies, simply, more road

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8g0ngy/omni/dy8pmxj/)[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8g3a09/missing_me_in_words/dy8pmas/)