Tryin to hand me a baby, won't take no for an answer

My husband and I met a couple when we used to go to church and we invited them to our house for dinner. They brought their baby, asked me if I wanted to hold it, and when I said no they looked at me like I was a baby eating monster.

No one can force you to hold something. Just say no. I told one coworker, "no. I prefer them when they're more durable."

[deleted]

My reply "no way, you got yourself into this mess"

My family now knows not to try to make me hold or watch their kids. I was about 14 when my cousin had her first daughter and she tried to push me to hold her. I said no but she insisted. I pretty much just told her what she wanted to hear and said that I was really uncomfortable with that because she's so tiny and precious and such a gift and I'm just too nervous holding her because of that! It was total bs but she bought it. Fastforward to now when she had her second daughter. She pulled the same thing on me, but I had grown some lady balls by now so I was more upfront. Told her I didn't like kids at all, and I wasn't going to hold her newborn or watch her 5 year old because of it. I have no patience for it and its a total waste of time for me. I'm wearing nice clothing and I don't any spit up or piss or any other baby fluids getting on me. She was offended but never asked me again.

I don't see the appeal of holding babies either. They're not cute (in my opinion, of course) and they really don't do anything other than piss, shit, vomit, and make unpleasant noises. They just sit there and it takes effort to keep them from being unhappy. Yay?

I usually say “no thanks, I can see him from here” with a big, fake smile on my face. The only time this didn’t work was when my cousin was visiting with her 10 day old baby and my mom made me hold him. There’s still a photo of my looking very uncomfortable with this baby on her Facebook.

I have a knee jerk reaction of "I'm sick. I started coming down with something this morning. I don't want to get your baby sick". Works every time.

It's like if you don't hold their mucus-oozing bundle of financial obligation, then you're showing disapproval of their life choices. It's like those street preachers screaming imprecations at strangers, just less sanitary and not as charming. And you don't have to see the street preacher every Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Not child free but like this sub. I don't get this. I hate when people expect me to play pass the baby so I never try to get people to hold my kids. I don't know what kind of germs/sickness someone has or what they've been touching. I get exposing children to build their immunity but there are better ways than to hand a child to someone who doesn't want to hold it.

I'm not really comfortable holding babies either (mostly because I have two left hands), so I look into people's eyes and actually tell them I drop everything. They usually give up about handing me their baby pretty quickly. If it's someone I care about enough to suck it up for a few seconds (I'm not grossed out by babies, so there's that), I'll ask to take a seat, hold the baby for anywhere between 30 and 60 seconds, and then hand it back.

Sounds like it's time to initiate "floppy arms" can't hold a baby if your arms are all floppy and useless!

I just decline. "No, no thank you". Sometimes I have to repeat myself, but I stand firm. Doesn't matter if they don't like it or try that guilt crap about how the baby is offended I won't hold her. Baby probably thinks car keys is food, they don't care!

I'm not going to be forced to hold a baby when I'm uncomfortable. Babies can sense that.

Besides, I don't like having to worry about accidentally dropping the baby, trying to figure out the proper position to hold a newborn's head, or trying not to think about it possibly peeing on me, upchucking food, drooling, or whatever.

Protip: If your hands are at your sides they can't very well hand you a baby. If they try, they'll be the assholes who threw a baby at you.

Please can someone tell me why parents always want us to hold their babies? Why? If people want to hold your babies, they would ask.

You be impolite and refuse. Sometimes being not nice is the answer. Younger women need to learn this. They often think it is better to always be nice. It's not. So script: Breeder: Hold my baby. Answer: No. I have no interest, nor will I ever hold your baby. Breeder: Look of shock, walks away, or is stunned in silence. Or says something not nice back. Answer: I don't care breeder. Breeder: Look of shock.

They end up realizing their kid will always be other people's children and is not liked by everyone. A valuable lesson for the obnoxious breeder. For those asking "what about family members....". Saying no and standing your ground is even better to do with family members. If they see you legitimately have no interest in babies, and are openly hostile to them, they will not ask you to breed and it avoids bingos a bit more.

I read not too long ago that if you have the herpes virus, you probably shouldn’t hold/definitely shouldn’t kiss someone’s newborn. I’ve had coldsores since childhood, so now I’m terrified that I’m going to kill someone’s small child. 😳

"The trash can is over there."

It worked.

Someone once told me that if someone hands you a baby after saying you don't want to hold it, immediately put it down on the ground/floor (assuming it's safe to do so). They'll likely never ask you to hold their kid again. (They'll also likely be super pissed, but hey, maybe they'll learn that no means no.)

I just fold my arms behind my back and give them a flat no. And if asked why I just say "Because I don't want to." And if that's not a good enough reason for them, then fuck them.

If I'm sitting and someone tries to hand me a baby or just sets it in my lap (this actually happened) I just pick it up, stand up, set it in my (former) seat, and leave. Not my goddamned kid, not my goddamned problem.