Feels like it could have some more specifics about the relationship, her, you, feels very universal for something about personal love is my main gripe. 

>Your a song i cant get out of my head.   

You're


>A living melody, can we harmonize?

This isn't a sentence. "A living melody" needs a subject. 


>I cant read your mind but i can hear you verse as we converse adding more lyrics to our lovers tale. 

Too long for a single line. Generally keep lines under about 7-8 feet tops. This line is 14 feet long. 

Don't use awkward words that you wouldn't naturally use just to force a rhyme. Don't say "converse" when "talk" works. 

Don't use rhyme just to make it a poem. Lots of things rhyme that aren't poems. And lots of poems don't rhyem. The decision to include rhyme should *do* something in terms of the metatext of your poem. 

>With twine i hold on hope your mine broken so easily im ready to fall and feel the pain. 

Way too long again for a single line. This is 11 feet long. 

Run on sentence. This is about 4-5 different thoughts. They should be separated into sentences or clauses.

You're. 

Don't twist the normal sentence grammar awk

Your a song i cant get out of my head. 

A living melody, can we harmonize?

I cant read your mind but i can hear you verse as we converse adding more lyrics to our lovers tale. 

With twine i hold on hope your mine broken so easily im ready to fall and feel the pain. 

My ass lands first for thats what i am to not have grabbed your heart. 

But ripping it from your chest does not make it mine for stolen goods know their OG owners.

Gifts accept their new possesor but a heart earned is warm and wealthy and cannot fall ill to the poor lovers curse of short lives for long lives are filled with love but kept forever in the hearts of many.



https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8hdh4c/comment/dykp8c7

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8hi1s4/comment/dykp07w



Written for a book. Inspired by true loss.