relapsed for no reason last night

was in the kitchen doing chores (putting dishes away) and i had music on then a song about suicide (its not really a super sad one its just kinda rap) and it reminded me of some people and a time back when shit was rough a couple months ago. id been clean for about a month, havent felt an urge to and i guess it just kinda went away when i occupied my thoughts with things (recreational acid extraction methods etc) and i stayed far away from songs i knew triggered me (mostly the bravery stuff because i listened to that while self harming) but any way. i was in the kitchen and this song came up ive listened to it alot before but never really thought about it and then i kinda started singing it and it made me feel fucked. i dont know how to explain it. i just went to a drawer grabbed a razor and made a slit on my arm. it was probably the worst cut ive ever made. it bled too much to keep a bandaid on and i had to use a paper towel to stop the bleeding. the scar is obvious and looks like it was made half an hour ago. if anyone cares the song is suicidal thoughts by josh a & jake hill