Give Me Candy Or Give Me Death

Licorice is the most ungodly food
that was ever created at all.
It smells like the bottom of an old gym shoe
and tastes like a child's bouncy ball.

It sticks to your teeth in big gooey clumps
that you have to peel off with pliers.
Well, if gnawing on rubber is what you enjoy
then why not go chew on some tires?

But the makers of this appalling confection
are not your average apes,
for they dye their concoctions in various colors
and mold them in cute little shapes.

Then they have the nerve to package them up
and sell them to children as treats.
But anyone having just one lick of sense
knows that candy's supposed to be sweet!

So, I'm telling you now! If you are my friend,
and you want to continue to be,
for Easter or Christmas or ANY occasion
Don't you DARE purchase licorice for me!

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