Pub Neons

I wrote this with a double meaning, the main character could be talking to a girl at a pub or a pack of cigarettes. Any criticism is welcome. Thank you!

The pub neons are extra low tonight

The extra bodies are consuming all the light and filling the room with noise

I’m just trying to enjoy my beer in peace

But you keep flickering the sign making it known that you’re open

Sorry honey i stay here till close

And unless you can intoxicate me just as well as a pint then I’m not coming in

Find your patrons elsewhere

Maybe park it at the pool table and work the sticks for the boys

I’m sure there’s some company among the balls and pockets

But can’t you tell I’m trying to focus on the inside of my eye sockets

Slide the ash tray over

And walk your ass away

I won’t come in but I’ll have a look when you decide not to stay

The only thing I’m okay with kissing is the rim

And my supply seems to be running a little thin

So just add another to my tab

And save me the time of day

I’ll be back tomorrow for a Guinness if you wanna try your luck then

But it’s been ten days now

And I’m still not making friends beyond the dim

Keep the consuming the neons

And if you got some particles to spare

I’ll let you know when I could use a light

Critiques: https://www.reddit.com/r/poetry_critics/comments/8lovty/comment/dzk9302?st=JHM465UL&sh=2f7eaaf1

https://www.reddit.com/r/poetry_critics/comments/8lxtt8/comment/dzk8agh?st=JHM46TMX&sh=4c70fc71