You're very welcome. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you in the future.

Thank you so much for this reply! it’s very helpful and spot on honestly xxx 

I'm right there with you on formatting for the most part, it's fairly confusing to try and get down at first.

In this case "poetry" is simply words that flow well into one another with a rhythm or rhyming structure which is attempting to be pleasing to the eyes/ears/brain.

I really like your use of the abstract language, but in this case I think it might benefit you to learn how to create rhythms or simple rhyming patterns because even though you get your idea across very well there's a lot of unnecessary wording. For instance, repeating the same words again and again (Your use of "I want to be __") can work very well when put into a rhyming pattern or other flowing format but in this case without any such aid it become repetitive to read.

[Here's an article to help with the basics.](http://creative-writing-course.thecraftywriter.com/how-to-write-poems/)

I'm not great at this myself, but another thing to practice is using imagery. Several times you say things like "...gulp down for

i was trying to go for a detached sort of passion in this piece, but I feel like i haven’t developed that as fully as I could’ve! Thanks for the feedback! 

Hi!  First of all, I actually love the title.  The dichotomy of it is what drew me to click on your post and read your poem.

But then.  When reading your poem, I feel far more "passion" than "lukewarm".  The entire thing is a plea, an expression of desperate longing \(at least that's what I get out of it\).  So with that in mind, I feel like the title doesn't make sense.

I don't particularly care for the line about the filing cabinets or formaldehyde \- the rhythm doesn't match the rest of the poem.  I would likely just be more concise with those thoughts:  |embrace you in my compartmentalised psyche| and |gulp down the formaldehyde|.

Overall, I love the emotive tone in the piece but I do think you need to add more of the "lukewarm" emotion and less of the "passion", if you want to stick with your title \(which I think you should\).

\*\*Edited to add:  I meant to say for someone who is just winging it, I think it's a super promising start!  Keep writing!

Thank you! I’ve been trying out poetry for the last few months, as a long-time prose writer who just really ... likes metaphors? so i’m very happy that you think i’ve got my foundations! 

for you to just start posting your writing and having "no idea" it's not bad at all. i believe everyone has their own style and you will find yours. to me, it's a great start!

I think rearranging to end with close my eyes when we kiss and all the other times too would be very very powerful. Like a punch to the gut.

This is really sweet, thank you! I do write in other places,  if you’re interested drop me a PM :)) youve made my week!

This is one of the best poems I have read here, by the way. Very proud of you, my friend.

yep that’s what i meant but it’s not a great word choice, so i understand the confusion! sorry :)) 

Ohhhh I totally get it. Thanks for the clarification.

I took this to mean "wont" as in "accustomed to"... so, not a typo.  But also perhaps not the most ideal word choice.

thanks a lot for the feedback! i’m super glad that you liked it! 

>*I have no idea what a "poetry" is, i write prose that just became increasingly abstract until i got to this point??? i have no idea!* 

With as much as I've written, I don't feel like I always do either. Mine takes shape a lot like yours. Literally wrote one the other day that started out as prose \(I was a *tad* too drunk to do anything else with it at the moment\) then I changed it later \(when sober\) to be more abstract, with more direct metaphors and shit. 

It's a beautiful piece. I get what you mean with formatting. As a person who writes like you, I feel as if we naturally format things to our natural mental pacing, as in, this is where we take mental rest in the speech rather than natural agogic timing \(i.e. where you expect spacing to happen based on the natural rhythmic quality of language\) of words or even ideas. It *is* and that's what's cool. This kind of medium allows other people to peek into the emotion of our words that is unique to us in a way that only this medi

why does my heart only fill    
when we are empty?   
heres the end of the  
road/the  
line/the  
world:   
i want to be finished.   
but   
scrub off your birthmarks   
disinfect your dreams,   
and i’ll bruise my knees on   
feathered pavements again.   
i want to be  
finished,   
i want to be   
myself,   
i want to be   
entangled in flaws and feelings.   
i’m wont to   
don hazmat suits and  
embrace you in a filing cabinet of my compartmentalised psyche  
so i’ll close my eyes when we kiss   
(and all the other times too)  
and gulp down formaldehyde at candlelit dinners, just   
touch me until i   
lose sensation in my chest,   
darling.   

*be as harsh as you feel appropriate, i really want to get better!! i have no idea what a “poetry” is, i write prose that just became increasingly abstract until i got to this point??? i have no idea! also, this is the third time i’m trying to post this i have no clue what’s going on with formatting, sorry if it’s messed up*

links:
[1](https://reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8omyw8/_/e0556ga/?context=1) and [2](https://reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8olsk8/_/e055hnd/?context=1)

lukewarm with passion