I actually really like this. I can sense a sort of intensity in the beginning which(at least in my mind) becomes a calm and tranquil scene. Its something I could see being preformed as spoken word. Good job, it's really effective.

Thank you for the feedback! Glad it made you feel some suspense. 

From start to finish I would say the poem created a suspense feeling which I liked a lot. Creating a dark masterpiece.

I love the lines about kidnapping the sandman! Great imagery and an all around good poem. 

“Another night forcing my eyelids shut”
I relate to this. Wonderful poem, keep it up!

Thanks for the good advice. Steal the sandman does sound a bit better! I like the idea of more violence in the beginning as well. 

It feels very violent. I love the line about kidnapping the sandman, but I love a good alliteration. Steal the sandman, maybe? Also maybe a little more about the forceful sleep in the beginning. 

Really cool imagery in here. It captures some of that violent restlessness of not being able to sleep. 

Thanks for the feedback! Unfortunately this was written after another insomnia filled-racing thought night. I definitely feel your wife’s pain. 

I can picture this entire scene unfolding while they lay in bed with their head on their pillow. Excellent work!! This piece reminds me of those who have issue with racing thoughts at night and can't go to sleep (my wife suffers from it and it can really affect her sleep and cause anxiety). You would do anything to shut your mind up and go back to bed, but it just doesn't turn off.

Very smart take on insomnia. And do I sense a little fall out boy reference for the bedpost and mr. sandman? Anyway, great poem.

Another night forcing my eyelids shut,

I fire a nail gun deep into my pulled down lids—

lodging in my cheekbones. 

I’d kidnap the sandman if I could, chain him to my 

bedpost and torture him for dreams:

vivid visions of a better place,

freedom to fly as close to the sun as I want,

no responsibility, no worries,

just autonomy for eternity—

only happiness and security.  

Peace of mind at nighttime, same old script 

running through my carved out head. 

Taking a piece of my mind. 



[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8p7hov/comment/e0959yr?st=JI45GOW6&amp;sh=35f113d8) / [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8p414n/comment/e093068?st=JI45HF9K&amp;sh=aa45629e) 

Bedpost